Tag Archives: vodka

Absolut Cilantro

25 Sep


I fucking love cilantro. Apparently some people are genetically predisposed to hating it, and that is what genocide is for. Kidding. The idea of a cilantro-flavored vodka seemed a bit odd to me but if done well it could be an awesome addition to many summertime drinks. Upon closer inspection the bottle reveals it is cilantro and lime flavored. Sounds a little shady but I approached it with an open mind, mouth, and liver.

Wowza is this stuff good. You definitely taste more of the limey-ness than the cilantro but it’s not sweet and it’s very refreshing. I would mix this with either tonic for a light, summery drink or as a lime flavor addition to any lightly-flavored beer.

Burnett’s Orange Cream

12 Sep

Burnetts Orange Cream


This vodka review came about because our ABC system did not have Burnett’s brand new Pumpkin Spice vodka the day it came out. A fucking travesty. But this looked neat and alcohol filled. God did it deliver. It smells of creamy orange in a way that makes you doubt it’s on sale $7.50 price tag. It can’t possible taste as good as it smells, right?


Fucking wrong. Burnett’s has once again proved that every overpriced flavored vodka brand is exactly that. How this cheap shit can continually hit the mark while others flail is a testament to the bullshit  marketing mark up of the vodka market. *Take a shot for every time I used the word “mark.” The vast majority that taste marginally better in flavor categories do not even touch the difference in percentage between themselves and Burnett’s. This is the pinnacle (slight intended)  of orange cream vodkas and you should go buy me some right now. What to mix with it?  Your vaginal juices if you can’t drink it straight.

Cinerator / Kinky Blue / Dewar’s Highlander Honey

25 Aug

Cinerator / Kinky/ Dewars

Cinerator Whiskey (91.1 proof) – The cinnamon flavor is very in your face, but the whiskey flavor was mellow and melded nicely without taking a complete back seat. Considering the alcohol content that’s fairly surprising … I find myself wondering how this would have fared in my cinnamon death match.

Kinky Blue (34 proof) – Kind of tart and sour, this almost reminds me of those delicious blue Blow Pops I’d eat as a kid. And only a kid. Because no grown adult went to Fizzy’s and bought $20 worth of candy today after going to the ABC store. Nope. Anyways, this is low proof, but I love the artificial sour berry flavor. I’m not guaranteeing anyone else will.

Dewar’s Highlander Honey (80 proof) – Oh God. This is what honey abandoned for 10 years in a dirty sock would taste like. There’s also a weird liquid smoke flavor. I’m considering not drinking the rest of the mini. Yeah right.

High Rise Citrus Vodka

28 Feb

High Rise Citrus

This is one of those weird mini bottles that they always sell at the counter for 99 cents. It turned out to be pretty decent. It’s definitely not an overly sweet lemonade knock off, but it does have a very pleasant citrus flavor without wandering into cleaning product territory. It has some burn but not anything crazy (it’s 70 proof). This would be fucking delicious in anything that needs a citrus kick. I’m thinking sweet tea.

Three Olives S’mores Vodka

23 Feb

Three Olives SMores

I bought this thinking it might be a chocolaty marshmallowy treat with a hint of graham cracker. I was fucking wrong. This may be one of the worst vodkas I’ve ever tried. It smelled of Cocoa Krispies which was a promising start, but the actual taste was akin to burnt unsweet chocolate. If you somehow smelled burnt Cocoa Krispies, that would be what this tastes like. It’s just so bad. There is no redeeming quality to this, especially since I paid $20 for it. Aside from it being booze, of course. Not only should you skip this, but you should write a letter to Three Olives explaining how offensive it is that something this bad is sold, much less called smores flavored vodka. I have figured out that anything (aside from a liqueur) that is chocolate flavored is generally god awful. I don’t know what it is that keeps these companies from producing anything that’s chocolaty AND delicious, but they need to figure that shit out and quick. I normally don’t condone the waste of booze but if you see this shit in your local liquor store feel free to do a gallon smash to fuck Three Olives out of numerous $20 bills. Fuck me I hate that I gave them that money. But you are reading this and I saved you so… buy me a beer or something.

360 Glazed Donut Vodka

10 Feb

Donut Vodka

Admit it, you’ve stared at this bottle wondering when will the endless parade of overly sweet flavored vodkas end? I mean what kind of fat ass wants to be seen buying doughnut flavored vodka? It does seem at some point they will run out of great ideas but for now I’m ok with all this malarchy. As for the vodka, shit’s great. Drinking it slightly chilled will remind you of Lucky Charms marshmallows. Drinking it room temp will give you the same but an almost Frangelico-like finish. It is super sweet but the lasting after taste almost makes it worth it.

What to mix this with: Sprite. I prefer Sprite Zero, but whatever. When mixed with Sprite this shit tastes exactly like Trix cereal. Seriously, go buy this shit!