Tag Archives: Taco Bell

Taco Bell Breakfast

27 Mar

Lately Taco Bell has been reading my blog and trying to crack me. First with cheap delicious Grillers, now Waffle Tacos. Well Taco Bell, you win. Because this spread for under $8 is a pure win.

Taco Bell Breakfast Spread

I have to admit, I did commit the cardinal sin of the Bell and forgot to ask for sauce. I think a few of these would have benefited from a squirt or two of verde sauce or even hot. Regardless, I ate them for you, and didn’t hate it.


A.M. Crunchwrap Bacon ($2.49): We have a giant hash brown, scrambled eggs, bacon, and cheddar cheese. I think American cheese would’ve been a better fit, but who am I to judge? It was pretty good; I really liked that the bacon were little pieces distributed throughout. 


Sausage Flatbread Melt ($1.00): This was a little dry, but for $1 it ain’t bad. I feel like they should’ve spiced things up with some grilled peppers and onions but with a little sriracha it was perfectly acceptable.


Waffle Taco Sausage ($1.99): This was the most exciting thing for me in the bag, but I felt it slightly missed it’s mark. The waffle was slightly greasy, which makes me a hypocrite because I couldn’t care less whether a biscuit was greasy. I wasn’t expecting it here though, and it was a little gross. The waffle itself was pretty decent, but I found myself wishing it were slightly sweeter and the sausage was slightly spicier. It was worth trying, and I could see myself getting it again. I just felt this was such a great idea that fell a little flat.


Cinnabon Delights (4 ct $1.59): These things are freaking delicious! The are cinnamon sugar covered dough balls filled with cream cheese laced Cinnabon frosting.

This isn’t my favorite breakfast. If I were driving down the road with my bff, I would stop at Hardees or Bojangles because I’m a biscuit slut. If those weren’t to be found then Chickfila. If my bff who hates biscuits threw a bitch fit, I would probably suggest Taco Bell. There’s definitely more than a pinch of novelty here, but for the most part it works and is edible and even enjoyable.

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Taco Bell Grillers

26 Mar

Rating: 3 Dollars

There are three new ‘Griller’ items from Taco Bell. These are basically just small burritos that they grill. That’s why they’re called ‘grillers,’ methinks. Between the hours of 2 and 5 pm they cost a buck a piece. Outside of these hours I have no idea how much the cost. Probably a million bucks a piece I guess. Lets get on with this shit, okay?

Loaded Potato Griller

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This potato dude weighed in at 188 grams as opposed to Taco Bell’s stated 177 grams. I shoulda returned it for the false advertising alone. I didn’t however because it was pretty delicious, especially for a dollar. 2/5 of a pound of “food” for a dollar? I didn’t even  care what it was gonna taste like. The fact that it tasted pretty good was just a bonus. The potatoes are tasty, the bacon is good, the cheese is fucking whatever and the tortilla is all grilled which is cool. My griller even had some lettuce in it. I think it was just a fuck-up but it made me feel real special-like.

The Loaded Potato Griller was my favorite.

Beefy Nacho Griller

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This beef dude weighed in at 163 grams (just flip your head upside down to view the above picture properly). That’s pretty close to Taco Bell’s stated 156 grams. Good job, you glorious bastards. However, this beef baby was not as good as the potato king. It’s probably just because I hate TB’s ground beef with a passion. Especially when you combine it with their “nacho cheese.” The combination immediately brings to mind horrible memories of the nachos they served in my elementary school cafeteria. I want to vomit right now just thinking about it.

I also don’t care for these “crisp red strips” (their words) that they put in here. Unless the Taco Bell employee makes it and immediately spirals it from the kitchen straight into your mouth, these things are not going to be even vaguely crisp when you eat your food. Maybe if they protected them with a layer of lettuce it would work but this is probably far beyond the culinary prowess of your average Taco Bell employee.

The Beefy Nacho was my least favorite griller.

Spicy Buffalo Chicken Griller

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Chicken little weighed in outside of its 149 gram weight class, coming in at a whopping 165 grams. Fuckin fatso. Good job on Taco Bell for over-portioning, mad props and all that. I liked the chicken griller. I’ve honestly never had Taco Bell’s lava sauce is so I’m not sure if what I was eating was just the lava sauce or a combination of the lava sauce and sour cream. Either way it was pretty good and pretty spicy. The chicken was pretty good too, standard Taco Bell fair of which I’m fairly fond of.

This is probably the most polarizing of the new grillers. It has a much stronger flavor than that shitty beef version. I think the best thing about the buffalo chicken griller is that you don’t need any sauce packets to go with it. In fact, I found the sauces to make this thing taste worse. Except, maybe, the verde sauce. That was kind of an interesting combo. In any case, this one is good if you are driving around and you don’t feel like spraying sauce packets all over your balls (again).

This chicken fucker gets a solid second place finish.

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Taco Bell Ranch Dorito Taco

8 Mar

Taco Bell Ranch Taco

This should probably be a long, well thought out review but unfortunately Taco Bell’s latest offering left me severely underwhelmed. It’s everything their shitty tacos normally taste like, with a Cool Ranch Dorito flavored shell. Does it improve it? Marginally. Is it worth upgrading to for 40 cents? Not even. Worth going to Taco Bell over literally any other food joint? Fuck no.

Doritos Locos Taco Supreme

13 Mar

Rating: 1 Cool Ranch Dorito Shell

I hate Taco Bell. I never go. Even drunkenly stumbling into a car with my friends screaming, “French toast,”* I’m never in the mood for Taco Bell. Now that we’re clear, I will say I was excited about the new Dorito shelled taco. I went to Taco Bell the day it was unleashed upon the world and here are my thoughts …

The picture looks waaaaay better than this did in person and the shell wasn’t nearly as Dorito-y as I had hoped. The beef was cheap, the cheese sparse and unmelted. Really, it was silly of me to expect the Dorito shell to work some crazy voodoo magic and make Taco Bell exciting and edible. I got the supreme version because it had sour cream. Honestly, this review is boring me just writing it. This is a Taco Bell taco with some Dorito seasoning sprinkled on the shell. No more, no less. I did find that I loved the Salsa Verde sauce packets and stole a handful or two of them … so there’s that. All in all a disappointing development in Taco Bell history, though at least a step in the right direction. I’m rating it 1 Cool Ranch Dorito Shell, because get that shit, then come back and see me.

*Note: Liquor is writing juice, not driving juice. Never drink and drive.
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