Tag Archives: GO


14 Aug

 Rating: 42 Bertangos


I heard about L.A. Grille a while back and really wanted to give it a go. The problem is that I’m rarely in the area and when I am nearby it’s probably because I’m visiting my brother and if that’s the case why not just steal his food? However, I recently felt compelled to head that way in order to detail my girlfriend’s car so that I no longer had to hear the incessant “Ahmagahd my car’s like so dirty, I just spent, like, money on like tires or whateverrr.” Detailing a car in 9000 degree heat sucks balls in a bad, bad way so I demanded she at least buy us a  couple burritos from L.A. Grille.

Any time I’ve had a burrito at a Mexican joint my reaction is something along the lines of “get outta town.” They’re just kind of boring. Why would I want a boring dumbfucking burrito when I could eat at Flaming Amy’s? Flaming Amy’s is known to cause spontaneous bonerwaves continents away. It is quite often a religious experience. I guess we see where this little review is headed: Flaming Amy’s versus L.A. Grille.

2013-08-09_11-52-50_177There he is, Miss America. This, my friends, is a substantial burrito. I would wager these things are at least as big as a normal Amy’s burrito. They’re probably bigger and they seem more substantial in that the filling is less shitty rice and lettuce and more meat and veg and stuff. Also, the tortilla these things come wrapped in was very thin; I was kind of scared it would bust a hole or fall apart but it never did. In fact I far prefer these tortillas to the thick ones Flaming Amy’s uses to ridiculously over-wrap their burritos 18 times with.

I got to try two of their burrito offerings, their chicken burrito and their carnitas burrito, both clocking in at $5.50. With this comes a very small number of homemade tortilla chips and a tiny little thing of salsa. I was asked if I wanted spicy salsa and I said yes. Holy fuck was this salsa spicy. My asshole was terribly put upon following my rampant, thoughtless ingestion of this stuff. It tasted great though. Extremely fresh. The tortilla chips were okay. They seemed a bit over-cooked and a bit greasy. 2013-08-09_12-03-39_467The burritos  themselves were friggin’ great.

The carnitas meat was so juicy. I thought the chicken would never stand up to the dominant start of the carnitas but it came very close. Probably my favorite chicken burrito ever but I fucking hate chicken. Both burritos were mild in terms of spiciness but they were so full of flavor I think I am in support of the wimpy heat.

Overall, L.A. Grille is a great little hole in the wall place to get some great food at great prices. I think their half-pound burger is also only $5.50. If you are ever nearby I suggest you give them a try. However, a matchup between L.A. Grille and Flaming Amy’s is impossible. They are truly different beasts. But here is a bit of a rundown, it’s the best I can do:

  • Burrito: L.A. Grille – As much as I love Amy’s, I just thought the two burritos I had from L.A. Grille were a bit better. If I could get an L.A. Burrito at Flaming Amy’s next time I went there, no question, I would.
  • Sides: Flaming Amys – L.A. Grille has some spicy salsa but c’mon no one will ever beat Amy’s salsa bar.
  • PriceTied – $5.50 versus $7.00. You want a cheap burrito or you want some wacky salsas? AHH SO MANY DECISIONS.


L.A. Grill on Urbanspoon

Burger King Bacon Egg and Gouda Biscuit

3 Apr

Rating: 18 Sheboygans

I have to start this out by commenting on the fact that the girl taking my order asked me what gouda was. I hope it was her first day, as there were other problems with my order that seemed beyond her order taking skills, but she honest to god asked me what gouda was. I told her it was a type of cheese with the straightest face possible, and she ran off to get her manager. It was more comical than anything else, but I do love how I have the most ridiculous experiences when I’m set on doing a review. Anywho.

Bacon Egg and Gouda Biscuit

So this gouda biscuit was pretty tasty. It had an absurd amount of egg on it, but that could be owed to the fact I showed up shortly before the breakfast switched to lunch. The eggs were moist almost to a fault but had appropriate levels of salt and were quite tasty. The bacon was standard fast food bacon though perhaps a bit thicker which was nice. The gouda was very mild in flavor and I probably couldn’t have distinguished it from any other cheese without being told. I wouldn’t count that as a strike against it, more of a plus actually. It didn’t have quite the fake “cheese” flavor their regular american does. The biscuit itself was crumbly to a fault and was difficult to eat due to what I at first thought was the moisture from the eggs. Upon closer examination I noticed little bits of a fresh bright green substance you rarely see in a place like Burger King. It appears they put some type of herb butter on the bottom of the biscuit and bravo, it was delicious. I would prefer it on the top since the moisture from the eggs already lends itself to a crumbling bottom bun (can I use that term for a biscuit?) but it was a very welcome addition.

BK Herb Butter

Would I pick this over their regular Bacon Egg and Cheese? Absolutely. Was the gouda the make or break element? Not really. It didn’t taste very gouda-y at all. I think it is an improvement over their regular cheese though, and the herb butter sent it into a very good new direction. Now if they could come out with a liquor spiked ice coffee I’d eat this shit every day!
Burger King on Urbanspoon

Taco Bell Grillers

26 Mar

Rating: 3 Dollars

There are three new ‘Griller’ items from Taco Bell. These are basically just small burritos that they grill. That’s why they’re called ‘grillers,’ methinks. Between the hours of 2 and 5 pm they cost a buck a piece. Outside of these hours I have no idea how much the cost. Probably a million bucks a piece I guess. Lets get on with this shit, okay?

Loaded Potato Griller

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This potato dude weighed in at 188 grams as opposed to Taco Bell’s stated 177 grams. I shoulda returned it for the false advertising alone. I didn’t however because it was pretty delicious, especially for a dollar. 2/5 of a pound of “food” for a dollar? I didn’t even  care what it was gonna taste like. The fact that it tasted pretty good was just a bonus. The potatoes are tasty, the bacon is good, the cheese is fucking whatever and the tortilla is all grilled which is cool. My griller even had some lettuce in it. I think it was just a fuck-up but it made me feel real special-like.

The Loaded Potato Griller was my favorite.

Beefy Nacho Griller

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This beef dude weighed in at 163 grams (just flip your head upside down to view the above picture properly). That’s pretty close to Taco Bell’s stated 156 grams. Good job, you glorious bastards. However, this beef baby was not as good as the potato king. It’s probably just because I hate TB’s ground beef with a passion. Especially when you combine it with their “nacho cheese.” The combination immediately brings to mind horrible memories of the nachos they served in my elementary school cafeteria. I want to vomit right now just thinking about it.

I also don’t care for these “crisp red strips” (their words) that they put in here. Unless the Taco Bell employee makes it and immediately spirals it from the kitchen straight into your mouth, these things are not going to be even vaguely crisp when you eat your food. Maybe if they protected them with a layer of lettuce it would work but this is probably far beyond the culinary prowess of your average Taco Bell employee.

The Beefy Nacho was my least favorite griller.

Spicy Buffalo Chicken Griller

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Chicken little weighed in outside of its 149 gram weight class, coming in at a whopping 165 grams. Fuckin fatso. Good job on Taco Bell for over-portioning, mad props and all that. I liked the chicken griller. I’ve honestly never had Taco Bell’s lava sauce is so I’m not sure if what I was eating was just the lava sauce or a combination of the lava sauce and sour cream. Either way it was pretty good and pretty spicy. The chicken was pretty good too, standard Taco Bell fair of which I’m fairly fond of.

This is probably the most polarizing of the new grillers. It has a much stronger flavor than that shitty beef version. I think the best thing about the buffalo chicken griller is that you don’t need any sauce packets to go with it. In fact, I found the sauces to make this thing taste worse. Except, maybe, the verde sauce. That was kind of an interesting combo. In any case, this one is good if you are driving around and you don’t feel like spraying sauce packets all over your balls (again).

This chicken fucker gets a solid second place finish.

Taco Bell on Urbanspoon

Carrabba’s Italian Grill

8 Mar
carrabba's seafood cannelloni


This isn’t going to be a full review, this is more of a shout out to a quick and awesome service by the local branch of a chain. My dad requested Carrabba’s for his birthday dinner and to be honest I was happy to go since I had never been. I assumed it to be some Olive Garden rip off trying to pass itself off as actually “authentic.” I guess to some degree it is, but it also feels more like an actual restaurant. The decor was low lighting and warm colors, the menu was weird, and they had $5 Sangrias that somehow turned into $10 Sangrias (it’s extremely difficult to sell me on larger drinks said no one ever.)

I ordered the Seafood Cannelloni and my father got the chicken parm. I have to say the chicken parm was above what I’m used to expecting in most places which I never understand because it’s so fucking easy to make. The seafood cannelloni was delicious and I have spent much time afterwards trying to find a copycat version of their recipe. The presentation was a little fucky but with how much I liked the dish I didn’t really think about it until staring at that hastily taken picture. They also brought out their delicious  and perfectly portioned John Cole dessert for free after overhearing about my dad’s birthday. All in all I will be back to this location. The meal was perfectly paced and timed, the food delicious if a little pricey, and the sangria cheap and intoxicating. Props to you, Carrabba’s!

Carrabba's Italian Grill on Urbanspoon

Asian Fusion Noodle House

26 Feb

Rating: 1 Beer Special

I went to this place for the two main reasons I’m guessing a lot of people do, they are open on Mondays unlike Indochine and I had a coupon. I’ve stated before I know nothing about Thai food, and I am in no way able to say how authentic it is, only how much I liked it and how I rank it compared to other Thai places. To be honest, until I go to Thailand (on my todo list) does it really matter if someone else tells me it’s authentic? I mean Flaming Amy’s is my favorite place in town and it’s the least authentic place imaginable. Unless you’re from Rockabilly City, Hipsterland. So don’t listen to me, just read my shit and take it into consideration.

insidefrusionNow I could already tell upon walking in this place that is isn’t Indochine. It has a very simple in decor, with a couple of over-sized fake plants and some Asian-esque wall hangings. And what is that weird bar with no liquor? Why even bother having a bar if not to display the gloriously high-proof booze you have available for consumption?! Overall it’s not super offensive though, so myself and the roommate take a seat at a booth, ordered some Asian beers (3.95 for Asian beers,  $2.95 for domestic), and started pouring over the menu. It seems like a pretty standard menu, and after some debate he ordered the Spicy Basil Leaves stir fry while I opted for the Pad Woon Sen. Both spicy please. There was some brief confusion after I asked for a spicy dish and was then directed to the regular menu and told to order one of those two dishes. They appeared to be the same, save for one having vermicelli which was my original preference in noodle. Both myself and the roommate chose tofu as our meat because well made tofu is the fucking bees knees.

Coconut Soup FusionAfter a very brief wait this delicious cup of heaven was brought to our table. Coconut soup came with both meals and though the bowl was small we both agreed that we could have easily ate one or two more cups of it. The slight sweetness of the coconut with the acidity of the lime was a great starting point to the meal. It was enough to not fill us up, but set my stomach to hunger mode for sure. Apparently you can order it with shrimp which would have probably blown my mind.

Fusion Pot StickersI was starving by the time our pot stickers came out. I stupidly asked for them steamed after looking at the menu (“steamed/fried”) and the waitress graciously explained they were pan fried since the texture of the dough doesn’t take to steaming. I would assume that would be how pot stickers are cooked but my idiotic brain thought those were options, not the explanation of how they were cooked. The filling I found slightly bland, and the cooked parts of the stickers slightly burnt, but the curry sauce they were served with made them worthwhile. I only wish the sauce were slightly thicker so as to coat the pot stickers a little more generously. Both myself and the roommate ended up using the accompanying spoon to sneak a few more mouthfuls of the sauce after the ‘stickers were gone.

Pad Thai Fusion

When the entrees were brought out, my roommate pointed out that they gave me Pad Thai, not Pad Woon Sen. Whether I ended up ordering wrong in the earlier confusion, or they mixed up the dish, either way it was pretty good. The heat was a slow building heat but good. The egg was a little more done than I would normally like but the “burnt” parts of it added to the flavor so what do I know? My tofu was slightly bland but a quick dip in my roommate’ s hot chili sauce made all the difference. The spring roll was spot on perfect and made the lunch special feel bigger. We actually ended up getting an order of the spring rolls to go to meet the minimum requirements for our coupon.

All in all this place is worth going to. I cleaned my plate of everything they gave me and given a larger stomach I could’ve eaten more. There were a few minor misses that could be chalked up to my preferences or my lack of knowledge regarding Thai food. Overall everything seemed to be a decent deal and the service was quick and attentive. Will this replace Indochine as the go-to romantic date night or birthday dinner? Not anytime soon. Indochine’s one of a kind property and decor exceeds almost everything else in Wilmington. But if you’re looking for a Thai fix for lunch on a Monday I would recommend Asian Fusion Noodle Houses. If they ever decide to throw out some beer specials, this could even become a monthly eat spot for myself and probably a lot of other people my age. Hence my rating of 1 Beer Special; rating=wish, right?

Asian Fusion Noodle House on Urbanspoon

Dominos Pan Pizza

25 Jan

So my original thought for this post was to do a head to head comparison of Papa John’s and Domino’s garlic sauces. I figured I could also review Domino’s new kick ass pan pizza in the process, and throw in a good word for their artisan pizza too. That was until they fucked up my order for garlic sauce for a second time in a row. I ordered from them a couple weeks ago and paid for garlic sauce, picked that shit up and was shocked to discover a lack of butter flavored oil. I wouldn’t care all that much if they didn’t charge you the price of a PBR for it. Since they do, I called up to complain and was assured by the phone girl (who was a guy) that they would put a note on my account for a free garlic sauce. No biggie right? Until this time I place my order online, and call the store to explain what happened and I’d like to redeem my free sauce.

It gets delivered, I pay a $3 tip for a 1.5 mile drive (I was already a half bottle deep and shit’s cheaper than a DUI) and discover a lack of garlic oil yet again. WHAT THE FUCK? I am in love with your pan pizza and I wanted to write you a glowing review. And you have to fuck it up. I wanted your awful fucking sham of a sauce badly enough to pay real money for it and it’s too fucking difficult for you to bring it to me? I mean every movie theater in the fucking country literally has the same shitty butter flavored oil on draft minus the garlic flavor and you have the balls to charge me 50 cents like it’s fucking liquid gold. Bull fucking shit. Why even have the option on your site to order it? Or is it a stupidity tax paid only by those stupid enough to think that shit’s worth paying for? If it wasn’t for your new pan pizza I would perma-life ban your sorry asses from my stomach but as it happens I can’t get enough of that shit so I’ll probably just complain to corporate and hope for a free 2-liter or something. I fucking hate the structure of this. You do nothing, leaving me with the option of continuing the circle jerk or emailing corporate. In which case any coupon I receive as compensation might as well read “Take your time delivering this dough disc of spit.” I’m fucked either way, so I’ll probably just resort to ordering under my roommate’s name and number from now on. Anyways, on to the fucking fat fest. [editor’s note: I’m leaving this wall of text because holy shit]

This is their Spinach and Feta Artisan Pizza. It’s been pretty tasty the couple times that my roommate has ordered it, and I think it’s even relatively healthy. It’s pretty salty but what else do you expect from a feta pizza? Cheese is good, spinach is spinach, crust is their crust, etc. I feel it would benefit form some fresh tomato, garlic, or bacon but I’m not a fucking pizza expert so WTF do I know? It’s better than other delivery pizza and better than most frozen pizza, so there’s that.

This shit is beyond glorious. Remember how good Pizza Hut used to be before they switched over to whatever bullshit crust they use now? This is it’s sluttier cousin. The crust is greasy and airy and has that awesome bit of slightly burnt crispiness on it’s edge. I used to like delivery pizza every so often, now after trying this pizza I find myself craving a diabetes lottery ticket in a box every week. It’s disgusting how much of this pizza I could easily eat in one sitting. Seriously the next time you feel like having a fat day party, this should be the fat day cake.

Also, Papa John’s pizza is gross, their chicken nuggets are worse than awful, and their garlic sauce is still better than Dominos because at least it has the decency to have a creaminess that tricks you into believing there could be real butter in it. But their pizza sucks so fucking hard that they are forced to do 50% off specials at least 5 times a week.

Domino's Pizza on Urbanspoon