Tag Archives: CLOSED

Umami

15 Apr

Rating: 1 Ear Hanging Low

Yeah so we’re going on a food truck kick over here at liquorlunch. It’s hard to argue with cheap and mobile food that can turn up when you least expect it. I often see the Umami truck rolling around town so I was excited to try it. They had a pretty straightforward menu and the fact that they had a bottle of Frank’s and a bottle of Sriracha earned them bonus points. Bitches love Sriracha! I skimmed over the menu and though the brisket caught my eye it was a hot day and the chicken salad seemed more appropriate. It promised a chicken concoction containing spicy walnuts and grapes wrapped into a piece of flat bread with mixed greens, so why the hell not? When the operator/cook found I was splitting the sandwich with my friend he very nicely wrapped up each half separately and gave us an extra bag of chips for free and without asking. So I’m throwing in some more bonus points for great customer service. We headed back to my place and sat down to watch some TV and scrom our lunch.

The grapes were fantastic in the chicken salad and I wish they had been a little more prevalent. The walnuts while not noticeably spicy added a nice crunch to the otherwise mushy texture of the chicken salad. The mixed greens were delicious, and the only complaint I have was the mayo used in the chicken salad; there was something lacking, though I couldn’t put my finger on it. Once squirted with sriracha it wasn’t noticeable and I enjoyed the crap out of it.

All in all I am certainly  going back to try the brisket next time I see the red truck. I’m rating it 1 Ear Hanging Low because the next time I hear that song it’d better be Umami, not the ice cream man.

Update: This place is closed as hell.

Ms. Cheesy Food Truck

29 Mar

Rating: Sex in the Mouth

Look at me, the eater of truck meat. Ain’t I a dandy. There’s a weird food truck craze going on in Wilmington right now, and we at LiquorLunch consider it our civic duty to get fat while simultaneously helping to keep you abreast of these matters. The other day I went to Ms. Cheesy and got a ‘Super Turk’ sandwich. The menu says it was $7 but I thought it was $7.50; I’m not sure, really. It came with Boar’s Head meat and cheese, a bunch of chips and a Boars Head pickle. The menu stated they’re supposed to come with ‘Buffalo Bleu Kettle Chips,’ which on my unfortunate day apparently meant regular old ridged potato chips. Doesn’t matter; had chips.

Fuck me running, this was delicious. It was one of my favorite sandwiches of all-time. Don’t worry, I’m also offended by the thought that a truck-made ding-dang cheese sandwich ranks so high in my estimation. I’m probably more offended than you are! The Super Turk comes on sourdough bread with American and monterey jack cheeses, smoked turkey, applewood bacon, roasted tomatoes, sauteed arugula and dijon mustard. So now I know their secret. Luckily for them I’m too lazy to buy that shit and recreate this sandwich myself. Plus, even if I tried, I’d almost certainly fail.

I won’t pretend to be some pretentious food reviewer and throw around terms like mouthfeel, depth-of-flavor, flavor profile or any of that other bullshit. I’ll just say that this fucking sandwich raped my fucking face off and I loved every second of it and I am now a strong, vocal proponent of facerape.

I’d also like to thank Ms. Cheesy for introducing my uncouth self to arugula. Apparently I love that shit.

The Cheesy Banker Food Truck

14 Mar

Rating: 1 Run to the Shitter

I’m rating The Cheesy Banker a 1 Run to the Shitter because, first of all, these ratings are meaningless so who cares. Second of all, 10 minutes after eating the food I destroyed the company restroom in the most unholy of ways. Mind you, I’m not blaming them or their food. It probably has more to do with my diet, which has for some time been largely comprised of whiskey and pizza. Going from that to cheesed-up truck meat and Diet Coke has cleared me out. This was a good thing in any case because I’ve been constipated recently, for the first time in my life. Again, eating real food and eschewing alcohol are not things my innards are accustomed to.

If you are still reading after that barrage of too-much-information, I salute you. Not really – I think you’re a sicko. Be that as it may, I assume you came here for a review of this funny looking truck and the food it offers. They have a menu, but I think they always have off-menu stuff, too. I opted to go with the Cheeseburger Combo, which consists of a cheeseburger (no kidding), fries and a 12oz drink (they’re kept in the cooler shown above). The burger allegedly comes with cheese, lettuce, tomato, sauteed onion and, most importantly, bacon. This combo costs $7.50 which is $1.50 more than the burger by itself. They have a picture of it on their facebook here. Mine is pictured below.

That’s half of the burger. I ate the other half. This half is sitting in my desk drawer mocking me. First thing is that mine’s more cooked than theirs.  I don’t really care, I didn’t specify a temperature (if he asked, I would have said medium but I like all temperatures). Also, I’m missing the lettuce. I personally like lettuce on my burger so this was a bit of a bummer. I’ll live, though. You might notice the bits of green in there. It was spinach (picture). One of their daily specials consisted of (among other things), “Spinach sautéed with garlic and onions.” I guess some got onto my burger. Personally I like spinach so it was cool but a lot of people hate spinach.

I liked this spinach burger. I liked the sauteed onions a lot. The tomato was good, the bacon was great. The burger had a nice char on it but it wasn’t very big and perhaps a bit overdone. The cheese was somewhere in there, I guess.

The fries were a bit of a bummer, to me. To some, these crinkle-cut frozen fries are the fucking bees knees. Personally, I don’t get the appeal. I think they’re the same ones in use by Poor Piggy’s, another local food truck (the first, to the best of my knowledge). I recommend Poor Piggy’s, by the way.

I’ll definitely go back to The Cheesy Banker if they are near my office again (note to food trucks: go near Shipyard/Carolina Beach Rd and I will give you moneys). But I don’t think I’ll get the burger or fries. If I want a burger and fries, I’ll go to PT’s Grille. Everything there rules, especially the fries. And they have cheap beer. And, even though I only go a handful of times a year, those wacky motherfuckers always recognize me. I guess they don’t often get people coming in there on their lunch break to chug 8 pints of Yuengling.

Another note to food trucks: put Sriracha on everything. Or offer/sell Sriracha in packet form. Pretty please.

Characters Quarters

13 Nov

Rating: 5 Fingers

Worth every myocardial infarction

I’ve been to this joint before. My first visit was a chance encounter; I was meeting a friend in Raleigh and this was a half way point. The thing that brought me back was a monstrosity called “The Characters Grilled Cheese Burger.” The main draw of this burger being, if you hadn’t already guessed, they exchange two grilled cheese sandwiches in place of the standard kaiser roll buns. It’s something I don’t treat myself to often, so when I do I get very excited about it. When my buddy decided to go to a hockey game my immediate reaction was to sing “Characters Quarters” over and over in my most childish voice. They have $6 pitchers of domestics on Sundays so my demands were met with minimal resistance. So over the river and through the woods, to the artery clogging restaurant we go…

One of the first things you generally notice are all the waitresses dressed up as characters, but since it was Sunday the uniform was football jerseys and booty shorts. The waitress came over and took our drink order, and I offered up our food orders as well. I ordered the Characters Grilled Cheese Burger while my friend got the Crispy Chicken Tenders. The waitress leaves, returns with beer, leaves, and after a reasonable amount of time returns with our food.

And this is is where the review will take a nosedive.

I’m saying the waitress returned with our food, but what  I mean is she returned with some food. I took one glance at the burger and noticed it was without the grilled cheese buns. I pointed this out and the waitress whisked it away to presumably sort out the issue. When she returned she informed me that there are two “Characters Burgers” and she thought I wanted the other one. She also proceeded to explain that I need to specify when I’m ordering to avoid confusion. And then apologized for it being her fault. Which sent me into full on asshole mode. Before she lectured me on how to order, I was freaking out to my friend. I was wondering if I ordered wrong (I didn’t) and since I have worked in restaurants I know how awful bosses can be about mistakes so I genuinely felt for her. After the lecture, I was beyond pissed. She was right, there are indeed two different burgers; the “Character Burger” and the “Character Grilled Cheese Burger.” Notice the difference in length, and the fact that only one has the word cheese in it’s title. So either I

  • Mistakenly ordered the Characters Cheese Burger, in which case she should have checked that I meant one or the other since they are so close in name and would technically not be the menu name of either (my friend verified I ordered correctly so this isn’t the case)
  • Ordered correctly and the waitress thought/mis-wrote Characters Burger or didn’t know that they were separate menu items, in which case the mistake was hers and my ordering had nothing to do with why I didn’t get my correct burger
  • Ordered correctly and the waitress just wasn’t listening or was otherwise distracted
None of this would have been a problem if the waitress hadn’t spent 5 minutes laying blame at my feet followed by a cover-up “but it was my fault” at the end. I’m pissed but I munch on my friend’s chicken tenders while I’m waiting. They appear to be hand made and man are they tasty. I forgot to get a picture, but think Hardees Chicken Tenders, except not shitty. I get my food shortly after and damn does it look good.

The burger is every bit of awesome that it appears to be. The grilled cheese buns are cooked to buttery perfection, the beef is medium, the fries crispy, and the pickle…… pickley. I think the fries were frozen: I don’t care. I actually prefer mediocre frozen fries to mediocre fresh fries. Shows my superior taste level and refined palate. I decided I was in more of a ranch mood than ketchup for fry dipping purposes, so I wait for our waitress to come back over for the customary “How is everything?” check up. And wait. And wait. I sat and waited for at least 15 minutes before I was able to flag her down to request my ranch. What the fuck?! Am I being punished for her mess up of my order?! She had officially been upgraded to Dumb Bitch. Does she not realize that her tip is based on her customer service? Or is she willing to sacrifice her tip to defend her pride? Whatever the reason for my being grounded from service, I was over it. Once I got my ranch (and another pitcher of beer) I just wanted to chow down and leave. The ranch was amazing, identical to what I had previously at J. Michael’s.

We paid our tab; stupidly tipped the waitress 20% and left. I could lie and try to make a point by saying they’ve lost a customer for life and I’ll use this blog that no one reads as the ultimate vengeance, but it’s just not true. I’ve worked in food service to know everyone and every place have off nights. The food is really greasy and delicious, and I’ll blame this on bad luck. Please don’t make a fool of me for it CQ. I am forced to rate this place 5 fingers though, because that’s how many it would have taken to make a fist and punch that stupid waitress in the face.

Characters Quarters on Urbanspoon