Tag Archives: CHUCK

Absolut Cherrykran / Burnett’s Strawberry Banana

15 Oct

Absolut Cherrykran and Burnetts strawberry banana

Absolut Cherrykran (80prf) – This is flavored with cherries, white cranberry, and plum. I’m going to say in theory that sounds pretty fucking amazing. In reality it suffers from the problem I find with a lot of Absolut’s flavored line: it just is not sweet enough. It smells amazing but that flavor never really translates well onto the tongue. I also found it vaguely medicinal. There may be a drink or mix this would work perfectly with, possibly a flavored/infused syrup. As is, straight up I’m giving it a CHUCK.

Burnett’s Strawberry Banana (70prf) – This smelled pretty good and the taste didn’t disappoint. It is fruity and delicious without being overly sweet. It very much reminds me of strawberry banana yogurt. In a very good way. This one, like most of Burnett’s offerings gets a CHUG.

Cinerator / Kinky Blue / Dewar’s Highlander Honey

25 Aug

Cinerator / Kinky/ Dewars

Cinerator Whiskey (91.1 proof) – The cinnamon flavor is very in your face, but the whiskey flavor was mellow and melded nicely without taking a complete back seat. Considering the alcohol content that’s fairly surprising … I find myself wondering how this would have fared in my cinnamon death match.

Kinky Blue (34 proof) – Kind of tart and sour, this almost reminds me of those delicious blue Blow Pops I’d eat as a kid. And only a kid. Because no grown adult went to Fizzy’s and bought $20 worth of candy today after going to the ABC store. Nope. Anyways, this is low proof, but I love the artificial sour berry flavor. I’m not guaranteeing anyone else will.

Dewar’s Highlander Honey (80 proof) – Oh God. This is what honey abandoned for 10 years in a dirty sock would taste like. There’s also a weird liquid smoke flavor. I’m considering not drinking the rest of the mini. Yeah right.

Three Olives S’mores Vodka

23 Feb

Three Olives SMores

I bought this thinking it might be a chocolaty marshmallowy treat with a hint of graham cracker. I was fucking wrong. This may be one of the worst vodkas I’ve ever tried. It smelled of Cocoa Krispies which was a promising start, but the actual taste was akin to burnt unsweet chocolate. If you somehow smelled burnt Cocoa Krispies, that would be what this tastes like. It’s just so bad. There is no redeeming quality to this, especially since I paid $20 for it. Aside from it being booze, of course. Not only should you skip this, but you should write a letter to Three Olives explaining how offensive it is that something this bad is sold, much less called smores flavored vodka. I have figured out that anything (aside from a liqueur) that is chocolate flavored is generally god awful. I don’t know what it is that keeps these companies from producing anything that’s chocolaty AND delicious, but they need to figure that shit out and quick. I normally don’t condone the waste of booze but if you see this shit in your local liquor store feel free to do a gallon smash to fuck Three Olives out of numerous $20 bills. Fuck me I hate that I gave them that money. But you are reading this and I saved you so… buy me a beer or something.

Southern Comfort Bold Black Cherry

6 Aug

This was also brought this by my roommate, so I guess it really was a message to stop, drop, and review. I know that I’ve had SoCo before, but I was probably really drunk and have no idea what it tastes like. Nonetheless I was excited by this because shits got booze, son.

I threw this back and immediately grinned. It was whiskey with a delicious cherry taste which was exactly like cherry cough syrup. That may sound like a bad thing, but for some reason it’s not. I mean people drink the fuck out of Jager and that shit tastes like liquorice cough syrup and is the most disgusting booze known to man. And I don’t know if I’d want to drink SoCo Cherry all night or anything, but I guess the little kid in me likes the idea of drinking whiskey flavored cherry cough syrup and not getting in trouble. What to mix with this? Cherry Robitussin. Just kidding, I have no fucking clue. I recommend this for simple, straight shots.

Burnett’s Sugar Cookie Vodka / Burnett’s Pear Vodka

9 Apr

I have been waiting not-so-very patiently for this sugar cookie bomb to hit. I’ve asked for it week after week. When the day came for my dreams to come true I decided to grab a couple of minis of it, along with a mini of the pear flavor which I have been curious about. Also I think the ABC clerk knows my weakness for minis and just started shoving new ones into my buy pile. Glory to the ABC clerks!

Sugar Cookie: It’s not a secret that I’m a fan of Burnett’s as evidenced here, here, and here, and the sugar cookie certainly did not let me down. At first whiff it smells very similar to Smirnoff’s Fluffed Marshmallow, but once tossed down your gullet it delights your mouth with a rich vanilla flavor and a lot of vodka vapors. Make no mistake, this does have a kick. But it has a sweetness and rounded vanilla flavor without the thickness or too-sweet flavor some flavored vodkas can’t seem to get around. This would be perfect for anyone who likes the Cake/Marshmallow/Whipped Cream flavors but is looking for something you can drink all night – if you can handle a kick. At $7.95 a fifth and 70 proof it’s definitely a great bang-for-your-buck buy as well.

Pear: I’ve found over the years that I tend to like pear flavored candies, drinks, and the like. I’ve been curious about the Pear Burnett’s vodka, but their other fine flavors have kept me too busy to try it. The nice lady at the ABC store shoved it at me when I purchased my various minis and I’m glad she did. I was expecting more of a sweet pear flavor and that’s not what I got. There’s a little sweetness to it, but more of a, “Yeah I’m fruity wassup” vibe. I don’t know if I’d do shots of this all night, but I could see its subtle flavor mixing well in a Sprite or even just tonic. Bare in mind it does have a very pronounced vodka-ness to it.

All in all I loved the Burnett’s Sugar Cookie and was glad I tried the Pear although I probably won’t be purchasing that one again. Once again, good show old chap!

99 Whipped / Absolut Grapevine

13 Feb

After a decided lack of liquor posts lately, I planned a trip to my local ABC store to purchase some new flavors. I wandered around the store waiting for something to spike my interest when I noticed Pinnacle Cookie Dough. Holy fuck that sounded awesome! I skipped up to the front and picked out a few mini bottles to try as well. When the cashier asked me for my ID, I realized I had left it at home, so had to convince my roommate to purchase the booze for me. One of the happiest days in my life will be when I go grey and never have to worry about such trivial things. As it stands, I look super young so I understand being asked for it every time I go someplace new. While my roommate did remember which of the mini bottles to get, he conveniently forgot the promised holy land of cookie dough-flavored vodka and got Burnetts Vanilla instead. This was cheaper and acceptable.

I didn’t try the Burnett’s straight, so I’m only going to offer what I could tell from it mixed with orange juice. Shit’s good. Cheap as anything, plus when mixed with OJ it taste like a creamsicle. Yum.

The 99 Whipped scared me a little, because I hate 99 Bananas. After a lot of internetting and then a quick glance at the bottle I deduced these products are indeed made by the same company. Even though 99 Whipped is not listed on their sites list of products. Wacky hobo-built website aside, I loved this liqueur. It was sweet and delicious, with a very nice and noticeable burn. Since there are now at least 3 different Whipped Cream flavored liquors available, I will be doing a deathmatch of the major ones soon to see how they rank head to head. Until then, feel free to check out my review of Smirnoff’s Whipped Cream.

I was excited about this weird Absolut flavor. Absolut was one of the first brands of vodka I ever tried and I will always have a certain fondness for it. The bottle is the first thing I noticed – this stuff is definitely being marketed towards females. Some pink scrolls, green grapevines, butterflies, throw in a dragon fly… I mean I get it, I guess. The official flavorings are white grape, dragon fruit, and papaya. After taking the shot I can assure you that ‘flavoring’ was a very hopeful word for them to use. I could barely tell there was any flavoring, just a weird after taste. I can understand a complaint of flavored vodkas being too sweet but I think this one could have benefited from some sugar. Or more flavoring. I couldn’t even really tell if I liked the flavor. And if you are going to pay Absolute prices on a shot, I can’t imagine why anyone would choose this over the unflavored original.

It wasn’t bad simply because it didn’t taste enough like anything to count as bad. To be fair, I drank this warm as I do almost all shots I’m reviewing. It’s entirely likely that chilling it could tone down the vodka and bring out the flavoring, but Absolut is a fairly smooth vodka to begin with. I wouldn’t buy this again but if you have a girl in your life willing to love a liquor for the bottle and not the booze, this could be the ticket.

What you should take away from all this is that Burnett’s is cheap and awesome, 99 Whipped is what you expect with a kick, and Absolut Grapevine is an absolute dissappointment. What I took away from all this was an excuse to buy Smirnoff, Pinnacle, and 99 Whipped all over. Huzzah!