Tag Archives: chicken

Fast Food February – Burger King Rodeo Sandwiches

10 Feb

Every time I see these advertised on a Burger King commercial I think, goddamn those might be good! But say you’re down to your last hobo dollar after buying your hobo beer and REALLY need to know which one is better? Don’t worry, I’ve got your back. That’s right, I tried both the chicken and the burger rodeo. Because I love you guys and shit.

Rodeo Chicken IMAG1127

The rodeo sandwiches are basically a basic burger and chicken sandwich plus onions rings and barbecue sauce. The burger is the weird fake smoke flavored patty you expect from Burger King, and the chicken was like a big and crispy over-sized chicken nugget. Weird enough, the smokey barbecue sauce almost clashed with the burger and the onion ring wasn’t helping. On the chicken sandwich the sauce lent a much needed smokiness and the onion rings worked better as well. The clear hands down winner was the Rodeo Chicken Sandwich. Save the Burger King burgers for when mayo is involved.

McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets, Chicken McBites, Hot Mustard & Hot Habanero Sauce

28 Feb

Rating: Shut up

Who goes to McDonald’s? Fatsos! Just get it over with and rename this place McAsshole. I kind of like to go here in the morning to get some fat bullshit and, more importantly, hot caffeine, to throw into my stupid mouth. Sometimes they ask me if I want cream or sugar in my coffee. Fuck you, no I don’t. Why don’t you ask me if I’d like a goddamn corndog in my coffee? The answer would be a definitive YES.

I heard the jerks at McDonald’s came out with both a new sauce and a new chicken-esque product so I figured I’d try them out. Since that shit didn’t really apply to my blog, and since I’m drunk, I figured I’d write some garbage here. First off, I love Chicken McNuggets.

I also love the hot mustard sauce at McDonald’s. Let me clarify: McNuggets are fucking terrible. I kind of like them when they’re cold, though. I’m a shitty person, what can I say? Everyone that goes to this place is an asshole. Like this guy the other day. It was a little before 7a.m. and I was getting some fucking “pancakes” and “sausage” because I had a coupon. And a huge dollar coffee because my brain doesn’t like itself and commands me to twist it about in various ways through chemical means. I leave the establishment, mentally preparing myself for the terrible onslaught of digestive absurdity that was about to ensue, when I see that some giant 18-wheeler was blocking my car in. And about 7 other cars, too.

I thought, “Heh. Well. At least I’m two hours early for work as is. No biggie.” But then I realized that I had the opportunity to justifiably be a dick to someone. I figure, being a trucker and all, he’d come at me with razor blades; but, like I said, I rape dolphins for fun. Okay, I didn’t say that before but now I did. And you read it, so the joke’s on you. So I’m walking back to this stupid McDonald’s and some harpy starts screeching at me. I do my best to ignore her but end up with the impression that she also hates this mongoloid truck driver. We both go in there and she starts her screeching at him. I wanted to punch her in her stupid vagina. She didn’t even wait to make sure he was the right guy, she just started yelling at the first fat black guy she saw wearing flannel.

When she paused to breathe or suck a dick or something I said, “Hey, you could have pulled up a little further and not blocked eight cars.” To which he responded, “Y’all can’t tell me whar to park mah truck.” Actually, I can! I just did, in fact. Since this guy was bigger than me and clearly had quadruple shark AIDS as opposed to a firm grasp on verbal communication, I just said, “you’re a terrible person; that’s all I’m saying. You’re a terrible person.”

Basically, everyone that goes to McDonald’s is a terrible person.

This shit cost like two ducks. It was gross. It was dry and nearly tasteless. Stick with McNuggets, man! Scratch that, just get 8 McDoubles and 4 apple pies for 10 dollars. I saw a lady order that mountain of obesity one time. I wanted to give her a high five but I was worried her heart might give out and I’d be liable.

The habanero sauce was almost okay. It didn’t seem too habanero-y, though. But it was kinda hot! That’s good. At least they got that kinda right. Overall it was kinda gross, really. It tasted vaguely carcinogenic.

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Breaktime Billiards / Tenpin Alley

23 Dec

Rating: 1 AA meeting

I will start this post off by fully admitting I came here for one reason only. On Wednesday nights this bar has $1 draft PBRs. In case you hadn’t picked up on it, I love me some PBR. It’s generally the cheapest beer available, has decent flavor for the price, and is the epitome of class and high breeding. And they used to make sweet commercials. The point to all this being that if you serve cheap PBR, I will come.

I wasn’t planning on reviewing this but took pictures just in case I needed to pad the posts. But then I had the thought that reviewing bars might be a decent idea so here is a historic moment in no one’s life… my first bar review.

The bartenders were very attentive and entertaining, and they had cheap beer. Tons of pool tables, and it’s also technically a bowling alley so there’s even more stuff to do for bored alcoholics.

After reviewing a menu I ordered the “atomic” Breaktime Bites and a basket of curly fries.

The Breaktime Bites had an okay heat, but I’m a fan of just soaking chicken in Frank’s so I may not be the best judge. The chicken was moist, the ranch delicious, and ALL buffalo chicken should come with celery so kudos on that as well. Dual ranch cups were a plus, and all in all this was on the good end of what you expect from bar food. I like that these were thicker chicken bits instead of the frozen chicken tenders (ala J. Michaels) that a lot of places will dish out as boneless wings.

Next up were the curly fries. They were delicious, crispy, swirly curly fries. I think the only way to screw up curly fries is to make them soggy. These weren’t, so A+!  On a side note, why do curly fries taste so much better than regular fries? And are darker in color? What magical process in involved with this food of the gods?! (SPOILER ALERT: it’s the seasonings added) Mmmm curly fries. Yes, anyways, review….

All in all an awesome beer special, good staff, nice bar, and above mediocre bar food from my standpoint. I will definitley return and would urge anyone to do the same. On Wednesdays at least. For that reason I warn you to be careful, with cheap drinks and decent bar food, this would be enough to tip a weekend warrior to the entry level alchy side. And so I rate it 1 AA meeting. You may end up needing it.

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