Tag Archives: Burnetts

Burnett’s Limeade

7 Feb

I normally walk into the liquor store, wander over to the Burnett’s section and try to remember which ones I’ve drank, reviewed, or never touched. It gets rough. But I was almost positive that Burnett’s Limeade hadn’t been reviewed and I guess the booze gods smiled upon me because I was right!

Burnett's Limeade

Is this shit green or what? There is a very large child inside of me that loves these types of unnaturally colored liquids/foods. I’m almost positive it makes them taste better too. What’s that? No I don’t know who Placebo is or what he has to do with anything. The problem with citrus flavors in liquor is that occasionally they can come off more as Pine-sol than delicious fruity Tootsie Rolls. This one falls comfortably on the candy side of that equation. It has sweetness, but it is balanced out by a hint of sourness that really makes it pop. I want to make this into an alcoholic slushie and drink it in a classy place somewhere, like Myrtle Beach. Add this as you see fit into any drink that could benefit from a limepunch to the face. Great job again Burnett’s and CHUG!

Burnett’s Candy Cane

20 Dec

Burnett's Candy Cane

Well, this shit taste like mint. Maybe vaguely like a candy cane. The more you drink it, the less it tastes like a candy cane and the more it tastes like the inside of a thin mint. Minus the chocolate. And cookieness. I think it’s really missing just a bit more sweetness but it’s still tasty and gets the job done. This will get a CHUG, but boozer beware n-candy caneness.

Absolut Cherrykran / Burnett’s Strawberry Banana

15 Oct

Absolut Cherrykran and Burnetts strawberry banana

Absolut Cherrykran (80prf) – This is flavored with cherries, white cranberry, and plum. I’m going to say in theory that sounds pretty fucking amazing. In reality it suffers from the problem I find with a lot of Absolut’s flavored line: it just is not sweet enough. It smells amazing but that flavor never really translates well onto the tongue. I also found it vaguely medicinal. There may be a drink or mix this would work perfectly with, possibly a flavored/infused syrup. As is, straight up I’m giving it a CHUCK.

Burnett’s Strawberry Banana (70prf) – This smelled pretty good and the taste didn’t disappoint. It is fruity and delicious without being overly sweet. It very much reminds me of strawberry banana yogurt. In a very good way. This one, like most of Burnett’s offerings gets a CHUG.

Burnett’s Orange Cream

12 Sep

Burnetts Orange Cream

 

This vodka review came about because our ABC system did not have Burnett’s brand new Pumpkin Spice vodka the day it came out. A fucking travesty. But this looked neat and alcohol filled. God did it deliver. It smells of creamy orange in a way that makes you doubt it’s on sale $7.50 price tag. It can’t possible taste as good as it smells, right?

 

Fucking wrong. Burnett’s has once again proved that every overpriced flavored vodka brand is exactly that. How this cheap shit can continually hit the mark while others flail is a testament to the bullshit  marketing mark up of the vodka market. *Take a shot for every time I used the word “mark.” The vast majority that taste marginally better in flavor categories do not even touch the difference in percentage between themselves and Burnett’s. This is the pinnacle (slight intended)  of orange cream vodkas and you should go buy me some right now. What to mix with it?  Your vaginal juices if you can’t drink it straight.

Merry Thanksgiving

22 Nov

This should be the traditional way to start of a day of family, drinking, and football. Spiked motherfuckin hot chocolate. I was planning on making the real shit but my roommate brought home the instant stuff and I’m lazy. I heated some milk on the stove, topped this shit with whipped cream (insta-can style) and topped it with mini chocolate chips and some cinnamon powder I got from the dollar store. It’s like the fanciest hobo chocolate there’s ever been! I couldn’t decide which booze to spike it with, so I started out with Maple Syrup Burnett’s – glory be thy name – and couldn’t bring myself to even try it with the brandy because I loved it so much. It is delicious. I will give a free pro-tip: don’t use cold vodka as it will make your hot chocolate much less hot. You’re probably also wondering why the brandy was in the freezer. Guess what? Fuck you I put shit in the freezer when I’m not drinking it. I’ve never had brandy before to my knowledge. It tasted like weird whiskey. All in all, this hot chocolate drink was great fun.

If you’re looking for a great hot chocolate recipe I stumbled across this one for Guinness, Whiskey, and Bailey’s Hot Chocolate. If I were less lazy I would have tried this one today, but fuck it. I’m not. Cheers!

Maple Syrup Burnett’s Vodka

22 Oct

I fucking apologize, alright? I know I haven’t written any posts inlike  a year. The thing is, it’s not my fault. It’s Burnett’s fault. They made maple syrup vodka. MAPLE. SYRUP. VODKA. They made it to where you could literally drink maple syrup and get shitfaced. I’m not calling it maple syrup flavored vodka for a reason. This stuff has the vaguest of burns and the sweetest of tastes. Every time I drink it I have a split second of doubt where I think it can’t possibly be as good as I think it is and then it’s swirling around in my mouth cave tasting better than most real fake maple syrups.

Therefore I have no productivity, and this may be the end of my stint as a productive member of adult society. And blogger. This is the best flavored vodka to ever exist. The pinnacle of non-Pinnacle. I want to use it in butter cream frosting for a carrot cake. Or make maple martinis with a bacon dust rim, garnished with a strip of chocolate covered bacon. Or just pour it all over god damn waffles. I have never loved anything as much in my life, including family. Luckily only 3 of my grandparents just rolled over in their graves and I’m pretty sure the remaining one doesn’t know how to internet. Go fucking buy this right now. Unless there’s only one bottle left, in which case save that shit for me.