Tag Archives: bitch drinks

Pinnacle Whipped

7 Feb

Pinnacle Whipped


It shocked me that I hadn’t reviewed this vodka before because I have damn sure drank it. I thought I loved this vodka! And then I tried it warm with other vodkas as the warm up acts and let me tell you: some of it’s charm dissipated. What I always took as a smooth and flavored shot quickly revealed itself to be an overly sweet sugar bomb that is best relegated to a one night stand rather than a long term relationship. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people who need these types of sugar levels to handle a shot. I take no issue with that. I personally would rather get a cheaper alternative (BURNETTS MOTHERFUCKER) or use it to sweeten another drink (think hot chocolate.)  This will get a CHUG but beware it’s cloying sweetness.

Cherry Whipped Pinnacle / Cherry-Popped Shirley Temple

15 Jan

This was given to me as an apartment-warming gift by a god of a man. I hadn’t tried it before but I love the original Whipped Pinnacle so I was stoked to give it a whirl. Yes that’s a fucking time machine in the background. Honey I Shrunk the Flux Capacitor.

The vodka vapors are stronger in this than in Whipped, but I have to say that I was pleased by the muted cherry flavors and sweet vanilla finish. Be warned this does have a kick even when chilled. I’m a bigger fan of the plain Whipped; the cherry flavoring seems almost superfluous. But if you find yourself with a bottle on hand or a pussy of an alchy, I recommend my patent pending Cherry-Popped Shirley Temple.

Mix ginger ale with a splash of maraschino cherry juice, add the desired amount of drunk juice, and garnish with cherries.  This has the added bonus of looking like Cherry 7Up if you’re at work or some other god forsaken place where alcohol is unjustly frowned upon.

Pearl Wedding Cake / Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow / Smirnoff Whipped Cream Vodka

12 Dec

While taking a walk a couple of days ago I saw a weird abandoned mini-bottle on the side of the road. Ever the hobo, I curiously reach down to grab a better look. It’s some weird Pearl brand vodka that I’ve never heard of. I store this in the back of my mind and don’t think much of it until yesterday when I happened to be strolling around the ABC store. I asked the clerk what the newest liquors were and he pointed out Peach Ciroc (over $30 a bottle, no thanks) and mentioned a few new mini-bottles. Note to all budding alcoholics; have a good relationship with your ABC clerks. They can tell you when prices drop on brands you like, recommend different boozes to try, and tell you when new liquors that are right up your alley are available, if they so choose. The listed mini-bottles included the aforementioned Pearl vodka, and two flavored Smirnoffs. I gleefully grab all three for under $3, making it one of the cheapest exits from the booze stop I’ve ever had. Two seconds later I’m home with shot glasses in hand. And realizing I only bought three airplane bottles.

Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow: Smells exceedingly sweet and the taste doesn’t disappoint. Very creamy sweet vanilla flavor with a smooth vodka kick at the end. Very delicious, but I’m not sure if you’d want to do shots of this all night.

Smirnoff Whipped Cream: Smells less sweet and has less overwhelming flavor. Straight vanilla with a more prominent vodka flavor, but once again smooth vodka. Would probably have been amazing if I hadn’t done the Marshmallow first. Hard to say without back-to-back shots how it would fare against Pinnacle’s Whipped Cream. My guess? Pretty even.

Pearl Wedding Cake: Ugh. There was an overly sweet cake flavor, but the rotgut vodka that it’s in offsets any goodness. I have to imagine this stuff is cheap, but I would say skip it and go for UV Cake if you’re dying for a cake flavor. It is worth noting it did have a higher proof (70 versus 60).

Overall, the two Smirnoff Vodkas were delicious, though the marshmallow was a tad sweet if you’re planning a night of brand exclusivity. Both are recommended. The Wedding Cake was ruined by the terrible vodka it’s made with. Burnett’s has proven you can make good flavored liquor from cheap vodka. So step it up Pearl. Also, their label is super weird. And isn’t Pearl a tampon brand?