Tag Archives: American

Brixx Bloody Mary

25 Nov

Britts Bloody Mary

As you may know from my previous posts, I am a sucker for a good bloody mary. After my recent trip to Ruby Tuesday I decided to stop into Brixx and check out their Bloody Mary Sunday special that I found on Sloshr.com I am a pretty big fan of Brixx because of their superior rotating beer selection for the Mayfaire area and their surprisingly delicious pizza.

The first thing I did upon arriving was ask what bloody mary mix they use. While it wasn’t Whiskey Willys, it wasn’t the crap you normally find at the grocery store. I ordered what I thought was one drink but still received two. You can’t question miracles, just accept them gratefully. The mix was fucking fantastic. Not as good as my holy grail but probably next on the list. It goes by the name A Taste of Florida, and though I haven’t seen it before I suggest giving it a try if you ever find it.

I chose the spicy version and it was tomatolicious without being too thick and had a nice balance of subtle back heat. The drink was garnished with a lime and an olive which I found completely unnecesary but I guess not everyone has celery or shrimp to spare.

Pretty great pick for a bloody mary if you are ever in the area on a Sunday and combined with the decent food it’s all a GO!

Bonefish Grill

18 Jul

 Rating: 1 Clusterfuck

I had been wanting to try this place when I was given a gift card to it. Sweet, I thought, I love seafood and I think that’s what this place does. Awesome. I found out online that they have some sort of happy hour specials Sunday through Thursday where select appetizers and cocktails are $5-6 and thought, hey even better! Oh what happy, innocent times those were.

The first thing I hated about this place was the weird vinyl tablecloths topped with brown butcher paper. I mean I get it if you’re a legit seafood place that throws boiled crabs on the table, or if you’re an upscale place doing it ironically. But from where I was sitting (in this shitty place) their menu is a schizo mix of asian and seafood dishes. But not fusion. Just like the owners are a bi-racial couple that spent months pissing each other off and destroying their marriage only to say fuck it and just jam all their shitty ideas onto one menu. On top of this weird butcher paper there was a flickering fake candle (why bother?) and two retail salt and pepper grinders. Save whatever money you’re spending on the fucking butcher paper and just buy some decorative grinders. Or at least something without the brand name on it.

My first impression based on just the table had me annoyed, but then the waitress showed up….. in a fucking chef’s coat. You read that correctly. I would give up booze for like 5 whole hours just to watch what Gordon Ramsay would have to say about that. I mean what know-nothing fuck thinks it’s a great or even passable idea to give a jacket denoting a life dedicated to the culinary arts and a certain position in the kitchen to the fucking dish jockeys?! It’s insulting. I know they aren’t chefs and if I were a chef I would be pissed to see that trivialized. What’s the point? I went from confusion, to disbelief, to annoyed all in the span of 10 minutes. But I was there to eat and review so for your sake (that’s right, fuckin’ you) I continued with this charade of a restaurant.

Bang bang Shrimp I ordered the Bang Bang Shrimp, ceviche, and their blackberry twist cocktail to start with. Everything arrived and long story short, was genuinely mediocre. The bang bang shrimp ($8.9) were okay, but missing some of the flavors which I associate with this dish. There was no sweetness from the mayo, or acidity from a vinegar, it was just kinda, sorta spicy and the breading was soggy from the sauce instead of crunchy and amazing. They would normally charge $9 for this one-note joke of an app. I was barely okay with it being $5, especially when Okami has a vastly superior version right down the road for $7.50.

CevicheThe ceviche ($7.9) was just kinda limey, one note, and in no way special, interesting or worth anywhere near that they charge. For insanely cheaper (under $4) and more delicious ceviche try Taqueria la Tapatia, also down the road. Even the seafood didn’t really pop but just blended into the sad background of lime juice. And look at those sad 7 chips they gave us. The avocado was good, but seeing as the chef or waiters or whoever fucking cooks the food didn’t grow them that’s through no fault of their own.

The drink ($5). Oh the fucking drink. It was advertised as rum, coconut water, blackberries, sage, and lemon. That’s like 12 of my favorite things all in a row! No way to screw that up. Sounds like a crisp and refreshing cocktail with a hint of herbaceousness and a tart blackberry twist! Wrooooooong. Try an overly sweet sangria rip off. The best part about the drink were the 3 blackberries they threw in as a garnish. Do you know how hard it is for me to actively dislike a drink? I’ll give you a hint… they put fucking booze in them. Why not just write “Shitty Sangria Ripoff” on the menu? Then I won’t order it and be pissed off that it is not delicious. I even like sangria for christ sake. But if I order a steak don’t send me a fried banana.

Blackberry Twist

To round the whole thing off and finish off the gift card to assure no chance of a repeat lapse in judgement, I ordered their Thai Coconut Shrimp ($8.9). It was promised on the menu to be some sort of asiany coconut shrimp which I was ok with. When it came out I was shocked to discover it was actually a decent starter. Six jumbo shrimp breaded in coconut served with a sweet and spicy chili sauce and a hint of ginger. Between the chili sauce and the coconut breading the dish was very sweet, enough for me to joke that it was kind of our meal’s dessert. Honestly, I think this would be a really cute cheeky idea for a dessert menu. It was good if only for the fact that it had more that one thing happening. And the actual dish it was served on, which I believe I’ve lusted over at Target before.

Thai Coconut Shrimp

Bonefish Grill completely disappointed with 2 out 3 dishes; 3 our of 4 items. The food lacked any dimension and was shockingly mediocre for the prices they charge. I don’t want to write this off as “another chain restaurant” because most chains, while suffering from a watering down of their menu, have at least a couple stand out items that are sure to please. In fact, there are a few chains I visit a couple times per year for those kinds of guilty pleasures (Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana and breadsticks with peach bellini tea I’m looking at you). This went beyond just being boring chain food – it was insulting.

I went with a gift card on a day when the starters were on special and thought I overpaid. These appetizers would normally be $8-$9 and that is unacceptable for something so uninteresting especially taking into account that the two most disappointing have much cheaper and far superior alternatives less than 10 minutes down the road. The restaurant hovers in a weird place between asian and american that is less fusion and more chaos. The servers in chef coats only add to that perception. This place is an overpriced trap selling asian dishes to people who don’t like asian food… or maybe any food. Take my advice, and try Taqueria la Tapatia for ceviche, Okami Japanese Steakhouse for “Bang Bang Shrimp” (aka Hot Shrimp), or Indochine for coconut shrimp/any thai dish. Friends don’t let friends eat at Bonefish Grill.

Bonefish Grill on Urbanspoon

Dominos Pan Pizza

25 Jan

So my original thought for this post was to do a head to head comparison of Papa John’s and Domino’s garlic sauces. I figured I could also review Domino’s new kick ass pan pizza in the process, and throw in a good word for their artisan pizza too. That was until they fucked up my order for garlic sauce for a second time in a row. I ordered from them a couple weeks ago and paid for garlic sauce, picked that shit up and was shocked to discover a lack of butter flavored oil. I wouldn’t care all that much if they didn’t charge you the price of a PBR for it. Since they do, I called up to complain and was assured by the phone girl (who was a guy) that they would put a note on my account for a free garlic sauce. No biggie right? Until this time I place my order online, and call the store to explain what happened and I’d like to redeem my free sauce.

It gets delivered, I pay a $3 tip for a 1.5 mile drive (I was already a half bottle deep and shit’s cheaper than a DUI) and discover a lack of garlic oil yet again. WHAT THE FUCK? I am in love with your pan pizza and I wanted to write you a glowing review. And you have to fuck it up. I wanted your awful fucking sham of a sauce badly enough to pay real money for it and it’s too fucking difficult for you to bring it to me? I mean every movie theater in the fucking country literally has the same shitty butter flavored oil on draft minus the garlic flavor and you have the balls to charge me 50 cents like it’s fucking liquid gold. Bull fucking shit. Why even have the option on your site to order it? Or is it a stupidity tax paid only by those stupid enough to think that shit’s worth paying for? If it wasn’t for your new pan pizza I would perma-life ban your sorry asses from my stomach but as it happens I can’t get enough of that shit so I’ll probably just complain to corporate and hope for a free 2-liter or something. I fucking hate the structure of this. You do nothing, leaving me with the option of continuing the circle jerk or emailing corporate. In which case any coupon I receive as compensation might as well read “Take your time delivering this dough disc of spit.” I’m fucked either way, so I’ll probably just resort to ordering under my roommate’s name and number from now on. Anyways, on to the fucking fat fest. [editor’s note: I’m leaving this wall of text because holy shit]

This is their Spinach and Feta Artisan Pizza. It’s been pretty tasty the couple times that my roommate has ordered it, and I think it’s even relatively healthy. It’s pretty salty but what else do you expect from a feta pizza? Cheese is good, spinach is spinach, crust is their crust, etc. I feel it would benefit form some fresh tomato, garlic, or bacon but I’m not a fucking pizza expert so WTF do I know? It’s better than other delivery pizza and better than most frozen pizza, so there’s that.

This shit is beyond glorious. Remember how good Pizza Hut used to be before they switched over to whatever bullshit crust they use now? This is it’s sluttier cousin. The crust is greasy and airy and has that awesome bit of slightly burnt crispiness on it’s edge. I used to like delivery pizza every so often, now after trying this pizza I find myself craving a diabetes lottery ticket in a box every week. It’s disgusting how much of this pizza I could easily eat in one sitting. Seriously the next time you feel like having a fat day party, this should be the fat day cake.

Also, Papa John’s pizza is gross, their chicken nuggets are worse than awful, and their garlic sauce is still better than Dominos because at least it has the decency to have a creaminess that tricks you into believing there could be real butter in it. But their pizza sucks so fucking hard that they are forced to do 50% off specials at least 5 times a week.

Domino's Pizza on Urbanspoon

The Cheesy Banker Food Truck

14 Mar

Rating: 1 Run to the Shitter

I’m rating The Cheesy Banker a 1 Run to the Shitter because, first of all, these ratings are meaningless so who cares. Second of all, 10 minutes after eating the food I destroyed the company restroom in the most unholy of ways. Mind you, I’m not blaming them or their food. It probably has more to do with my diet, which has for some time been largely comprised of whiskey and pizza. Going from that to cheesed-up truck meat and Diet Coke has cleared me out. This was a good thing in any case because I’ve been constipated recently, for the first time in my life. Again, eating real food and eschewing alcohol are not things my innards are accustomed to.

If you are still reading after that barrage of too-much-information, I salute you. Not really – I think you’re a sicko. Be that as it may, I assume you came here for a review of this funny looking truck and the food it offers. They have a menu, but I think they always have off-menu stuff, too. I opted to go with the Cheeseburger Combo, which consists of a cheeseburger (no kidding), fries and a 12oz drink (they’re kept in the cooler shown above). The burger allegedly comes with cheese, lettuce, tomato, sauteed onion and, most importantly, bacon. This combo costs $7.50 which is $1.50 more than the burger by itself. They have a picture of it on their facebook here. Mine is pictured below.

That’s half of the burger. I ate the other half. This half is sitting in my desk drawer mocking me. First thing is that mine’s more cooked than theirs.  I don’t really care, I didn’t specify a temperature (if he asked, I would have said medium but I like all temperatures). Also, I’m missing the lettuce. I personally like lettuce on my burger so this was a bit of a bummer. I’ll live, though. You might notice the bits of green in there. It was spinach (picture). One of their daily specials consisted of (among other things), “Spinach sautéed with garlic and onions.” I guess some got onto my burger. Personally I like spinach so it was cool but a lot of people hate spinach.

I liked this spinach burger. I liked the sauteed onions a lot. The tomato was good, the bacon was great. The burger had a nice char on it but it wasn’t very big and perhaps a bit overdone. The cheese was somewhere in there, I guess.

The fries were a bit of a bummer, to me. To some, these crinkle-cut frozen fries are the fucking bees knees. Personally, I don’t get the appeal. I think they’re the same ones in use by Poor Piggy’s, another local food truck (the first, to the best of my knowledge). I recommend Poor Piggy’s, by the way.

I’ll definitely go back to The Cheesy Banker if they are near my office again (note to food trucks: go near Shipyard/Carolina Beach Rd and I will give you moneys). But I don’t think I’ll get the burger or fries. If I want a burger and fries, I’ll go to PT’s Grille. Everything there rules, especially the fries. And they have cheap beer. And, even though I only go a handful of times a year, those wacky motherfuckers always recognize me. I guess they don’t often get people coming in there on their lunch break to chug 8 pints of Yuengling.

Another note to food trucks: put Sriracha on everything. Or offer/sell Sriracha in packet form. Pretty please.

Kickback Jacks

12 Mar

Rating: 1 Stone

Myself and Pete of ilmza hobo fame took a trip to try out the new eats at Kickback Jacks. I, for one, am a fan of Carolina Ale House for their food and affiliation with my favorite of all the sports, hockey. So I kinda wanted to hate the place.

this is not only allowed, but encouraged in hockey

We are seated next to a table with a child. Great. Luckily it was fairly early on a Sunday and neither of us were too bombed so we hoped her innocence would stay intact. After being seated, a round of ordering commenced and I opted for the $3 Bloody Mary (extra spicy please) and Pete got some Kickback Jack’s house beer. This gave us some time to look over the menu. I was underwhelmed by the whole thing, nothing seemed to jump out as me as unique or special. It was all your standard burgers, wings, appetizers, and such. Normally ordering is pretty easy but the lack of anything exciting or new bummed me out. I went with my personal standbys of soup (Baked Potato) and a burger. The burger ordered was a Tavern burger which is almost identical in ingredients to Carolina Ale House’s Pub burger. Ohhhhhh snap shit just got real son!

The Bloody Mary showed up with minimal wait. Or maybe I ordered a salad, who can remember with all the shit they packed into this drink. Limes, olives, and celery, oh my! For the record, you win my heart by giving me only celery, carrot, or shrimp with a Bloody Mary. All other garnishes can GTFO. The drink itself was thick but not overly so, with a hearty tomato flavor but seasoning enough to keep it from wandering into tomato soup territory. The yum on the rim is salt, pepper, and red pepper flake from what I could tell. A delicious way to start a meal; I’ve had much worse in the way of bloody marys, this was in the better half.

After the Bloody Mary came the soup. The waitress had informed me it came in a bowl, not a cup. At first I thought, “What the fuck do I care what it comes in,” until this huge bowl was brought out to me. My god, it was a monster. My first impression was that it was darker than any potato soup I’ve ever seen. The taste was absolutely amazing. There was more going on than just the normal cream and potato flavor. I would actually have been fine without the bacon and cheese on top; it was that good. Some of the best baked or loaded potato soup I’ve had. Ever. That bowl was huge and with the exception of the tastes I offered Pete, I ate the whole thing. Also well worth mentioning: it came with club crackers, not saltines. A huge bonus in my book. I’m almost glad I only got two packs because I very well could have gone through a box just dipping them into that glorious soup.

Next came the burger, and it was a whopper. I asked for the tavern sauce on the side just to get a better handle on the flavor and save the burger if I wasn’t a fan. The sauce was a lot different from Ale House’s sauce. This was much more horseradish IN YOUR FACE! Not as great for dipping fries in, but god it was delicious on that fucking burger. The burger itself was juicy and a perfect medium (as requested) with a moat of blood pooling in the plate before I had even taken the first bite. The fried onion strings were delicious as well. On the menu they make a huge deal of HANDCUTTING the fries. Unless that’s fucking Byron back there cutting them, I don’t care. Luckily, these were fucking awesome. They were crispy without being overdone, and perfectly seasoned. It is a testament to my soup and burger that any of them remained for Pete to scrom. Also worth noting: I finished that whole motherfucking burger too. Who needs their body to produce insulin? NOT ME!


Kickback Jack’s is a “sports restaurant” and I can respect that. The food was all delicious and above what I was expecting in a sports joint. It had a nice atmosphere, tons of decent flat screens, and booze. The food was also reasonably priced, with my burger running $6.49 and the soup only $3.49. I recommend checking this place out.  Would I come here for a night of hardcore drinking? No. But would I come here to watch a game on a weeknight and grab some dinner in the process? Absolutely. And that is where its strength lies. It’s enough of a restaurant to take the kids to, but not so much  that a raised voice over a bad call would be out of line. With that in mind, it shall receive a rating of 1 stone. That’s approximately how much I gained today, in British. Side note: the waitresses wear super short shorts … if you’re into that.

KickBack Jack"s on Urbanspoon

McAlister’s Deli

7 Mar

Rating: 1 O’Douls Blackout

I live pretty close to McAlister’s Deli and haven’t ever had the urge to go. That’s why things like the Frank card are dangerous. They make you seek out new places in order to get your money’s worth. I figured that this place being packed a majority of the time was a good sign, and headed there for lunch. McAlister’s looks way bigger on the outside than any “deli” has a right to.

First off, fuck this place for calling itself a deli. As far as I’m concerned, delis are places that sell cold cuts and other products (including pasta salads and olives), mostly by weight. This chain store of subs and soups is not a deli. That didn’t bother me too much while I was there, but after the fact it annoyed the fuck out of me. I’ve always seen people walk into local delis and act shocked and offended there is no pizza or some other bizarro item. Does it say delicatessen AND pizzeria? I think a lot southerners don’t know what a deli is because of asshole places like this running around calling themselves  ‘deli.’ Oh, a coffee shop with bagels? DELI! Place with subs? DELI! Yes, most delis will serve you food items like subs, but that’s mainly because they already have all the ingredients. Point being, this place isn’t a fucking deli and delis don’t have to sell pizza, espresso, or whatever bullshit item you associate with your idea of Italian. The more you fucking know.

So you walk into this big building and order at the counter. Right on. I’m a fan of places that allow you to order, they bring you your food later on, and then your server disappears. I order the club, a tea, and the country potato soup. And a muthafuckin chocolate chip cookie because the best part of being an adult is ordering and eating diabetes-bombs whenever you want to. Sometimes I wave a handful of candy bars at kids in nearby lines at the grocery store. Haha, I work 40 hours a week and I can spend every last dime on candy and cookies! Enjoy your naptime and diapers, biiitch. I also make faces at kids behind their parents backs, but that’s beside the point. What was the point? I love cookies. My roommate ordered the reuben and potato salad. We took our number and sat outside. Outside seating is pretty cool too.

I tried the tea and to my surprise it wasn’t very sweet. But it wasn’t very strong, either. Kind of bland for tea. The chocolate cookie was chewy on the inside, crisp on the outside and full of chips. A little flat but worth the buck it cost. After a brief wait the food arrived. My club was basically two quarters of a normal club, which with the soup was  a decent deal at $6.49. The wheat bread was a little dry, the meat was ok but there was very little on the sandwich and it was too thickly sliced for my taste. The mayo was almost non-existent; I wish I had known to ask for extra. All in all it was a mediocre sandwich. The bacon was barely noticeable. The soup was basically a creamy potato soup with some bacon, cheese, and green onions on top. Nothing super, and once the toppings were gone (about 3 spoons in) it was just meh. Boring.

The roomie’s potato salad was tried first, and it was good. Your typical southern potato salad with relish. The reuben was good. Not like “WOW this is good!” but “They didn’t fuck up … it’s good.” His comment was that reubens aren’t tough to make, but a lot of places still fuck them up. So kudos to McAlister’s on on not fucking up.

My overall impression was one of mediocrity. My sandwich wasn’t bad, it was just dry and not that good. Granted, more mayo would have helped, but it wouldn’t have resolved the larger issue. It needed more turkey and ham (thinly sliced) and more bacon, at least. The soup was ok, but nothing I would crave again. Not even the tea was really good or bad.

Simply put, at the end of the day, I would probably never come back here. Not because it was bad, but because it just wasn’t really good. If I’m looking for cheap I’ve got Cook-Out right across the street, and PT’s close by. If I’m looking for subs I have A Taste of Italy, Long Island Eatery and Harris Teeter‘s deli, all less than half a mile away. And if I want to go a bit further, I have Jimmy Johns, Jersey Mikes, and others. Some of which are a better quality, and all of which are better overall. I just can’t understand the draw of this place. It even commits the mortal sin of not serving booze. It basically gave me soap opera-grade amnesia, in which I will have no side-effects other than trying desperately to forget the fuck out of eating here. It’s like a blackout without the drinking. Hence the rating of one O’Douls Blackout.
McAlister's Deli on Urbanspoon