Tag Archives: Absolut

Absolut Cherrykran / Burnett’s Strawberry Banana

15 Oct

Absolut Cherrykran and Burnetts strawberry banana

Absolut Cherrykran (80prf) – This is flavored with cherries, white cranberry, and plum. I’m going to say in theory that sounds pretty fucking amazing. In reality it suffers from the problem I find with a lot of Absolut’s flavored line: it just is not sweet enough. It smells amazing but that flavor never really translates well onto the tongue. I also found it vaguely medicinal. There may be a drink or mix this would work perfectly with, possibly a flavored/infused syrup. As is, straight up I’m giving it a CHUCK.

Burnett’s Strawberry Banana (70prf) – This smelled pretty good and the taste didn’t disappoint. It is fruity and delicious without being overly sweet. It very much reminds me of strawberry banana yogurt. In a very good way. This one, like most of Burnett’s offerings gets a CHUG.

Absolut Hibiskus

2 Oct

Absolut Hibiskus

I thought this looked kind of dumb, but figured I have been such a lazy fuck that I need to start running down some reviews. Look at those dumb flowers, that shit looks like the inside print on a Roxy bag. Luckily beyond the flowers there was booze. It smelled like tropical fruit, and maybe hibiskus which is the dumbest word in the English language. The weird thing about Absolut flavoring is the lack of sweetness to it. It tastes like it smells, but I am too used to overly sweet vodkas. Then I threw this shit into some Sprite and it was magical! Also try cream soda as a mixer.

Absolut Cilantro

25 Sep


I fucking love cilantro. Apparently some people are genetically predisposed to hating it, and that is what genocide is for. Kidding. The idea of a cilantro-flavored vodka seemed a bit odd to me but if done well it could be an awesome addition to many summertime drinks. Upon closer inspection the bottle reveals it is cilantro and lime flavored. Sounds a little shady but I approached it with an open mind, mouth, and liver.

Wowza is this stuff good. You definitely taste more of the limey-ness than the cilantro but it’s not sweet and it’s very refreshing. I would mix this with either tonic for a light, summery drink or as a lime flavor addition to any lightly-flavored beer.

99 Whipped / Absolut Grapevine

13 Feb

After a decided lack of liquor posts lately, I planned a trip to my local ABC store to purchase some new flavors. I wandered around the store waiting for something to spike my interest when I noticed Pinnacle Cookie Dough. Holy fuck that sounded awesome! I skipped up to the front and picked out a few mini bottles to try as well. When the cashier asked me for my ID, I realized I had left it at home, so had to convince my roommate to purchase the booze for me. One of the happiest days in my life will be when I go grey and never have to worry about such trivial things. As it stands, I look super young so I understand being asked for it every time I go someplace new. While my roommate did remember which of the mini bottles to get, he conveniently forgot the promised holy land of cookie dough-flavored vodka and got Burnetts Vanilla instead. This was cheaper and acceptable.

I didn’t try the Burnett’s straight, so I’m only going to offer what I could tell from it mixed with orange juice. Shit’s good. Cheap as anything, plus when mixed with OJ it taste like a creamsicle. Yum.

The 99 Whipped scared me a little, because I hate 99 Bananas. After a lot of internetting and then a quick glance at the bottle I deduced these products are indeed made by the same company. Even though 99 Whipped is not listed on their sites list of products. Wacky hobo-built website aside, I loved this liqueur. It was sweet and delicious, with a very nice and noticeable burn. Since there are now at least 3 different Whipped Cream flavored liquors available, I will be doing a deathmatch of the major ones soon to see how they rank head to head. Until then, feel free to check out my review of Smirnoff’s Whipped Cream.

I was excited about this weird Absolut flavor. Absolut was one of the first brands of vodka I ever tried and I will always have a certain fondness for it. The bottle is the first thing I noticed – this stuff is definitely being marketed towards females. Some pink scrolls, green grapevines, butterflies, throw in a dragon fly… I mean I get it, I guess. The official flavorings are white grape, dragon fruit, and papaya. After taking the shot I can assure you that ‘flavoring’ was a very hopeful word for them to use. I could barely tell there was any flavoring, just a weird after taste. I can understand a complaint of flavored vodkas being too sweet but I think this one could have benefited from some sugar. Or more flavoring. I couldn’t even really tell if I liked the flavor. And if you are going to pay Absolute prices on a shot, I can’t imagine why anyone would choose this over the unflavored original.

It wasn’t bad simply because it didn’t taste enough like anything to count as bad. To be fair, I drank this warm as I do almost all shots I’m reviewing. It’s entirely likely that chilling it could tone down the vodka and bring out the flavoring, but Absolut is a fairly smooth vodka to begin with. I wouldn’t buy this again but if you have a girl in your life willing to love a liquor for the bottle and not the booze, this could be the ticket.

What you should take away from all this is that Burnett’s is cheap and awesome, 99 Whipped is what you expect with a kick, and Absolut Grapevine is an absolute dissappointment. What I took away from all this was an excuse to buy Smirnoff, Pinnacle, and 99 Whipped all over. Huzzah!