GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY (Hardees … again)

22 Jun


I had eaten a wrap and a lot of fries at this point. Sue me, there were a lot of people around and I feel like a fucking idiot taking a picture of my food (rightly so).

Lord LiquorLunch does two BK reviews and I’m doing my second Hardees review? Sign of the times, I guess. Of those two establishments, I have to give Hardees the nod if only for their buffalo chicken tenders. That single menu item almost made me believe in God until I realized how dumb of a conclusion that was to jump to. Full disclosure: I have a freakish-bordering-on-fetish love of Frank’s Hot Sauce.

As much as I like Hardees buffalo chicken tenders, the two times I tried their regular tenders, I hated the crap out of them. They were dry, tasteless, and the breading just sloughed off and made me hate myself even more than I normally do when I’m eating HardeesĀ cuisine.

Therefore when I redeemed my $2.99 coupon for a small combo of two chicken tender wraps, small fry and small drink, I was expecting to despise the wraps. Well, the whole meal actually because I don’t generally like Hardees fries. However, this shit was really good and a friggin steal at $3.20 after tax. Even better, the cashier mucked up my order and marked it as to-go instead of eat-in even though I told her twice. Better, you ask? Well, she gave me some free apple pie thing as an apology, ya see.

Das Wrapenator

The chicken was well-cooked and well-breaded, very tasty. Ranch. Enough said there; ranch is almost always good. The cheese was good and the lettuce served its purpose (whatever that might be). The tortilla was inoffensive. Overall, I really liked these wraps.


I usually hate Hardees fries but these were pretty good. Reminded me of a cross between Wendy’s new fries and McDonalds fries. Yet worse than both. They were still pretty good, though.


I didn’t order this so I assume the cashier felt bad about making me sit around for a very long time because she forgot my order was eat-in. It was a pretty shitty ‘dessert.’ I don’t know what they charge for these things but I think you can get them at gas stations for fifty cents or less. Actually this was definitely worse than the ones at the gas station. It wasn’t bad or anything but it was just fairly dumb. If you’re gonna copy McDonalds (why, Jesus, why?), don’t make your version way, way worse and not even hot to boot. That’s dumb!


For $2.99, this meal was worth the public shame of taking a coupon out of my wallet and using it. Now to the heart of the matter: I want everything in a fucking flour tortilla. I love flour tortillas. You could dump out a diaper of baby poop into a tortilla, roll it up, and I’d pay you good money to ingest it. Am I forsaking the Earl of Sandwich? No, of course not. But sometimes you don’t want a lot of dumb bread everywhere. Bread is so dumb.

Also I must mention that Hardees is the absolute worst about mixing up to-go and eat-in. What’s worse is that some (all?) Hardees give out plastic number cards for eat-in, so they can pretend to be a semi-full service restaurant. At least at other fast food places, you are gonna be mulling around the counter regardless when your number is called.

At Hardees you just sit at a table in the back like some dumb fucking asshole in the waiting room of his doctor’s office having arrived a day early: I hope you have a smart phone to goof off on or a booth concealed enough to jerk off in because otherwise you are not gonna have a good time sitting around waiting for the world to end.

Final Thoughts For Real

I must patent an interrupt device that makes the consumer punch in eat-in or to-go. Actually I guess soon enough the whole ordering process is gonna be through a user-input touch screen. Like they had at the White Castle I went to in Manhattan some months back. Which still fucked my order up, by the way.

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One Response to “GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY (Hardees … again)”

  1. liquorlunch June 24, 2012 at 6:56 pm #

    Hardee’s actually has automatic ordering boothes IN nc. Somewhere.

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