Guinness Foreign Extra Stout

17 Mar

Rating: 4 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

A timely update, no? Please excuse a brief foray into the beer abyss. And not just the beer abyss – we’re headed to the abyss of the beer abyss: stouts. You know, the scary dark beer that actually tastes good at room temperature.

My special lady friend told me to figure out a place to go for Irish Car Bombs when she gets off work. I agreed but instantly had my own thoughts on the matter. Why not just get some fucking Guinness and some minis of Bailey’s and Jameson? With this in mind, I went to Harris Teeter to accomplish step one. Only after I got home did I realize that Extra Foreign Stout is not Car Bomb material. Even though I love this shit, you really do need some nitrogen-blasted pussy-Guinness to make a real Car Bomb.

I say pussy-Guinness because regular Guinness Draught  is about 5% alcohol and this shit above is 7.5%. Also, though people often refer to the normal Guinness as breakfast-in-a-can  and look at me slackjawed when I chug pints of it like it’s water, Guinness is not as ‘heavy’ as people would have you believe. A 12-oz Guinness Draught is 126 calories. A 12-oz Budweiser is 145 calories. The Foreign Extra Stout clocks in at 176 calories, which isn’t bad considering it has 50% more boozing power than its 145 calorie cousin!

While I love Foreign Extra, I also know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. It has a definite resemblance to the Guinness Draught which America has come to know and love, but not much more than that. And while I love Foreign Extra, I also think maybe it’s just too simple as far as stouts go. Maybe that’s because Guinness kind of defines this category of beer, I don’t know. I’m not a beer historian, I’m just a drunk on his day off with nothing better to do than write this. I imagine beer brewers trying to put their stamp on the stout world using Guinness as a jumping off point:

“Tut tut, this tastes a bit like Guinness, now let’s add dried shrimp flakes and take over the world!” – Idiot von Shrimphoffer, Esq.

Foreign Extra doesn’t have the velvety, nitrogen-infused sexytown quality that the normal stuff does. It tastes a little like coffee, a little like chocolate and kind of has a burnt malty flavor. Mostly it tastes like stout. And alcohol. Because fuck you, buddy. If you want a wine cooler, drink a fucking wine cooler and leave the real stuff to the big boys, I’ve got work to do.

Four 11.2oz bottles cost $6.99 on sale; was worth it.

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