Jacquin’s 100 Proof Nirvana Banana Liqueur

19 Feb

Aw hell no, son. Check this out. My girlfriend done tell me to do things I done runnin’. But I digress. She told me to get her some booze at the liquor store. As close to verbatim as my boozed-out mind can remember is:

Her: You’re going to the liquor store after work, right? Can you get me something?
Me: Yeah.
Her: Okay but you’re going to that shitty one on Carolina Beach Rd. right? I’ve had, like, everythiiiiiing, from there.
Me: Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh.

And then I bought some weird pint of liqueur for her that I knew she wouldn’t like. She hates bananas, along with everything else, besides ramen and expensive dinners. But I digress. I brought this back and after being fully satisfied with my attempted troll, I realized that my girlfriend who had been jonesing for a bonesing was now sans the inordinate amounts of booze required to get frisky with me. It was as if I’d suddenly found myself in an infinite expanse of some terrible dreamland desert equipped with only a water balloon. Happening upon a random yet beautiful, buxom female, I incomprehensibly decide to be funny and throw the water balloon at her without thinking. Definitely coulda worked a beejer out of that one. Or a drink of water.

Well fuck me this shit was good anyway, in spite of all of that.

As a straight shot it was fairly harsh, as is to be expected from a 100 proof banana-flavored liqueur. Mixed with Diet Doctor Pepper, this shit was the fucking bees knees. Look at that picture up there. The banana shit just dove right to the bottom sayin’ “What’s up, gon’ do somethin’ ’bout it?” Besides expend copious apostrophes thinking up liqueur dialogue, yes, I am going to do something. I’m going to mix your dumb ass up and drink you. Great drink. Even the girlfriend liked it. I probably got laid but how the fuck would I know for sure?

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7 Responses to “Jacquin’s 100 Proof Nirvana Banana Liqueur”

  1. wurm January 27, 2013 at 8:45 am #

    I love it straight with a good cigar

    • pete January 27, 2013 at 9:30 am #

      wurm, your soliloquy on boners is more than I could ever ask for, as a genius authoritarian. however cigars are gross!

      • Roger March 18, 2013 at 10:48 pm #

        Where can you get it? I had it years ago and can’t find it anywhere.

        • pete March 19, 2013 at 12:19 am #

          All the booze featured on this blog is available in Wilmington, NC. Based on your IP address you are not? Regardless, if you are having trouble finding it then your best bet might be requesting it from you local dispensary. They can be fairly accommodating.

          • Roger March 19, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

            I am from Ohio. Is there any websites where it can be purchased? It is just weird because it used to be everywhere and now I can find it in any of the ten liquor stores I frequent in several cities. Is there a website for jacquin’s?

          • liquorlunch March 21, 2013 at 8:42 am #

            The laws involved with buying alcohol vary from state to state, as pete stated the best way to find it is ask your local liquor store. They are generally helpful with this sort of thing. If they don’t have it, they may be able to order regular or mini bottles for you, or inform you of your choices as far as ordering online.

        • pete March 19, 2013 at 1:58 pm #

          Just ask the liquor store cashier duder.

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