Carolina Ale House

30 Dec

Rating: 3.5 hours

Carolina Ale House is a family-friendly sports-themed restaurant … or so the website says. Let me tell you something … family-friendly restaurants suck and are really just drunk un-friendly. Why make a place that is called an ale house friendly to little rug rats who can’t even legally drink ale yet? Also, one time I went here and was seated at the outside bar to watch a game and this lady with her kid starts giving me the evil eye. She starts coughing loudly and when that doesn’t make an impression she asks me very self righteously, “Would you mind not blowing your smoke in my face?” Umm bitch I am turned away from you, at least 6 seats away. There’s nothing I can do about the wind. Your kind has forced me to sit outside to smoke because apparently bars are goddamn health spas now. So this bar was nice enough to build the smokers their own little bar outside to smoke, drink, and curse at athletes unmolested, and now your kind comes out here and try to claim it as well? Fuck off. Point of that being is that this place is awesome because of their outside bar. It’s where the real drunks are.

I went to CAH because I wanted to watch a hockey game and they have the center ice package. I also received a gift card for Boozemas and I like free food. I was absolutely starving and went with the “Pub Burger” because it had bacon and I’m going through an onion rings phase. I ordered the “special sauce” on the side; I get cautious about weird sauces on my burger and I wasn’t filled with liquid courage. I ordered the burger medium and with minimal wait this was brought out to me.

It was delicious. The sauce was mayo based and awesome, I wish I had ordered a side for dipping my fries in. The onion strings were perfectly cooked and have been added to my list of stuff every burger should come with (along with bacon and fried eggs.) The burger itself was a bit well done for medium but juicy enough to create a moat of cow blood in my plate. The fries were really good as well; they tasted like curly fries without, you know, being curly or whatever. The only thing I take issue with are the veggies. There’s no need for them in this mountain of perfection. I ate almost every bit of food on the plate and wished I had room for more. Alas, I only had $30 on my giftcard and this monster accounted for $8.29 of that leaving only $21.71 for booze which equals around 8.6 Bud Lites at $2.50 a pop. And that, kids, is why you need to learn math. Makes for more efficient drinking. Also, I used a calculator for that so if the math is off the computers may have become sentient.

All in all the burger was awesome, but burgers are pretty hard to screw up. I loved the fries; they’re probably frozen but I’m not picky. As a bar it kinda sucks with the family-friendly bit, but I do like the choice of an outside bar with multiple flat screens and more taps than most bars have. They have an insane amount of TVs and have put on re-runs of Stanley Cup games over live baseball when I’ve asked, so getting your game of choice on is never a problem. I’m definitely going to come back and pay real money for food here and probably order this same burger. The average hockey game lasts about 2.5 hours, and I’d gladly show up an hour earlier to eat, but leave after and spend another hour drinking somewhere with PBR on special, giving CAH a rating of 3.5 out of 4.5 hours.

Note of caution: I have come here multiple times and have horrible experiences with sitting at the tables. My friends and myself are fast drinkers and we had to start double ordering beers because it would take that long for the waitress to get back around to our table. I would recommend sitting at the bar whenever possible.

Carolina Ale House on Urbanspoon

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One Response to “Carolina Ale House”

  1. Travers Scott May 4, 2013 at 11:58 pm #

    Hey don’t know how your location compares but I’ve had terrible service experiences at the downtown Greenville, SC Alehouse, despite being a loyal and regular customer.Tonight took the cake. They double charged me and my boyfriend for twice the number of beers we actually drank because of an error during shift change. But when I very politely pointed out the problem with the bill they argued and insisted we had really drank a ridiculous amount of beer. I have been a regular customer there for some time and they know me what I usually order. This was the worst treatment I’ve ever experienced.

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