While taking a walk a couple of days ago I saw a weird abandoned mini-bottle on the side of the road. Ever the hobo, I curiously reach down to grab a better look. It’s some weird Pearl brand vodka that I’ve never heard of. I store this in the back of my mind and don’t think much of it until yesterday when I happened to be strolling around the ABC store. I asked the clerk what the newest liquors were and he pointed out Peach Ciroc (over $30 a bottle, no thanks) and mentioned a few new mini-bottles. Note to all budding alcoholics; have a good relationship with your ABC clerks. They can tell you when prices drop on brands you like, recommend different boozes to try, and tell you when new liquors that are right up your alley are available, if they so choose. The listed mini-bottles included the aforementioned Pearl vodka, and two flavored Smirnoffs. I gleefully grab all three for under $3, making it one of the cheapest exits from the booze stop I’ve ever had. Two seconds later I’m home with shot glasses in hand. And realizing I only bought three airplane bottles.
Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow: Smells exceedingly sweet and the taste doesn’t disappoint. Very creamy sweet vanilla flavor with a smooth vodka kick at the end. Very delicious, but I’m not sure if you’d want to do shots of this all night.
Smirnoff Whipped Cream: Smells less sweet and has less overwhelming flavor. Straight vanilla with a more prominent vodka flavor, but once again smooth vodka. Would probably have been amazing if I hadn’t done the Marshmallow first. Hard to say without back-to-back shots how it would fare against Pinnacle’s Whipped Cream. My guess? Pretty even.
Pearl Wedding Cake: Ugh. There was an overly sweet cake flavor, but the rotgut vodka that it’s in offsets any goodness. I have to imagine this stuff is cheap, but I would say skip it and go for UV Cake if you’re dying for a cake flavor. It is worth noting it did have a higher proof (70 versus 60).
Overall, the two Smirnoff Vodkas were delicious, though the marshmallow was a tad sweet if you’re planning a night of brand exclusivity. Both are recommended. The Wedding Cake was ruined by the terrible vodka it’s made with. Burnett’s has proven you can make good flavored liquor from cheap vodka. So step it up Pearl. Also, their label is super weird. And isn’t Pearl a tampon brand?