Taco Bell Grillers

26 Mar

Rating: 3 Dollars

There are three new ‘Griller’ items from Taco Bell. These are basically just small burritos that they grill. That’s why they’re called ‘grillers,’ methinks. Between the hours of 2 and 5 pm they cost a buck a piece. Outside of these hours I have no idea how much the cost. Probably a million bucks a piece I guess. Lets get on with this shit, okay?

Loaded Potato Griller

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This potato dude weighed in at 188 grams as opposed to Taco Bell’s stated 177 grams. I shoulda returned it for the false advertising alone. I didn’t however because it was pretty delicious, especially for a dollar. 2/5 of a pound of “food” for a dollar? I didn’t even  care what it was gonna taste like. The fact that it tasted pretty good was just a bonus. The potatoes are tasty, the bacon is good, the cheese is fucking whatever and the tortilla is all grilled which is cool. My griller even had some lettuce in it. I think it was just a fuck-up but it made me feel real special-like.

The Loaded Potato Griller was my favorite.

Beefy Nacho Griller

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This beef dude weighed in at 163 grams (just flip your head upside down to view the above picture properly). That’s pretty close to Taco Bell’s stated 156 grams. Good job, you glorious bastards. However, this beef baby was not as good as the potato king. It’s probably just because I hate TB’s ground beef with a passion. Especially when you combine it with their “nacho cheese.” The combination immediately brings to mind horrible memories of the nachos they served in my elementary school cafeteria. I want to vomit right now just thinking about it.

I also don’t care for these “crisp red strips” (their words) that they put in here. Unless the Taco Bell employee makes it and immediately spirals it from the kitchen straight into your mouth, these things are not going to be even vaguely crisp when you eat your food. Maybe if they protected them with a layer of lettuce it would work but this is probably far beyond the culinary prowess of your average Taco Bell employee.

The Beefy Nacho was my least favorite griller.

Spicy Buffalo Chicken Griller

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Chicken little weighed in outside of its 149 gram weight class, coming in at a whopping 165 grams. Fuckin fatso. Good job on Taco Bell for over-portioning, mad props and all that. I liked the chicken griller. I’ve honestly never had Taco Bell’s lava sauce is so I’m not sure if what I was eating was just the lava sauce or a combination of the lava sauce and sour cream. Either way it was pretty good and pretty spicy. The chicken was pretty good too, standard Taco Bell fair of which I’m fairly fond of.

This is probably the most polarizing of the new grillers. It has a much stronger flavor than that shitty beef version. I think the best thing about the buffalo chicken griller is that you don’t need any sauce packets to go with it. In fact, I found the sauces to make this thing taste worse. Except, maybe, the verde sauce. That was kind of an interesting combo. In any case, this one is good if you are driving around and you don’t feel like spraying sauce packets all over your balls (again).

This chicken fucker gets a solid second place finish.

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