Dominos Pan Pizza

25 Jan

So my original thought for this post was to do a head to head comparison of Papa John’s and Domino’s garlic sauces. I figured I could also review Domino’s new kick ass pan pizza in the process, and throw in a good word for their artisan pizza too. That was until they fucked up my order for garlic sauce for a second time in a row. I ordered from them a couple weeks ago and paid for garlic sauce, picked that shit up and was shocked to discover a lack of butter flavored oil. I wouldn’t care all that much if they didn’t charge you the price of a PBR for it. Since they do, I called up to complain and was assured by the phone girl (who was a guy) that they would put a note on my account for a free garlic sauce. No biggie right? Until this time I place my order online, and call the store to explain what happened and I’d like to redeem my free sauce.

It gets delivered, I pay a $3 tip for a 1.5 mile drive (I was already a half bottle deep and shit’s cheaper than a DUI) and discover a lack of garlic oil yet again. WHAT THE FUCK? I am in love with your pan pizza and I wanted to write you a glowing review. And you have to fuck it up. I wanted your awful fucking sham of a sauce badly enough to pay real money for it and it’s too fucking difficult for you to bring it to me? I mean every movie theater in the fucking country literally has the same shitty butter flavored oil on draft minus the garlic flavor and you have the balls to charge me 50 cents like it’s fucking liquid gold. Bull fucking shit. Why even have the option on your site to order it? Or is it a stupidity tax paid only by those stupid enough to think that shit’s worth paying for? If it wasn’t for your new pan pizza I would perma-life ban your sorry asses from my stomach but as it happens I can’t get enough of that shit so I’ll probably just complain to corporate and hope for a free 2-liter or something. I fucking hate the structure of this. You do nothing, leaving me with the option of continuing the circle jerk or emailing corporate. In which case any coupon I receive as compensation might as well read “Take your time delivering this dough disc of spit.” I’m fucked either way, so I’ll probably just resort to ordering under my roommate’s name and number from now on. Anyways, on to the fucking fat fest. [editor’s note: I’m leaving this wall of text because holy shit]

This is their Spinach and Feta Artisan Pizza. It’s been pretty tasty the couple times that my roommate has ordered it, and I think it’s even relatively healthy. It’s pretty salty but what else do you expect from a feta pizza? Cheese is good, spinach is spinach, crust is their crust, etc. I feel it would benefit form some fresh tomato, garlic, or bacon but I’m not a fucking pizza expert so WTF do I know? It’s better than other delivery pizza and better than most frozen pizza, so there’s that.

This shit is beyond glorious. Remember how good Pizza Hut used to be before they switched over to whatever bullshit crust they use now? This is it’s sluttier cousin. The crust is greasy and airy and has that awesome bit of slightly burnt crispiness on it’s edge. I used to like delivery pizza every so often, now after trying this pizza I find myself craving a diabetes lottery ticket in a box every week. It’s disgusting how much of this pizza I could easily eat in one sitting. Seriously the next time you feel like having a fat day party, this should be the fat day cake.

Also, Papa John’s pizza is gross, their chicken nuggets are worse than awful, and their garlic sauce is still better than Dominos because at least it has the decency to have a creaminess that tricks you into believing there could be real butter in it. But their pizza sucks so fucking hard that they are forced to do 50% off specials at least 5 times a week.

Domino's Pizza on Urbanspoon

Tags: , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply