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Apologies

17 May

I basically got hired at my dream job (for now) and have been super caught up with it. I went to Fish Bites as requested by a reader, and will be putting that review up soon. For now if anyone misses me (doubtful) check out my review of Slice of Life at Independence Mall on my friend Pete’s site ilmza.com.

Harris Teeter Submarine Sangweichez

7 Apr

Listen, y’all, this is about to get real. Harris Teeter is goin’ real crazy. They expandin’, they doin’ real weird stuff. Some of them now got a dang pizza bar … Whaaa? But no for real it’s true. Most Teets have a little sandwich station next to their little sushi station, too.

Let’s not get to the point for a minute and talk about Harris Teeter sushi. I make and eat sushi on the reg and for the life of me I don’t know how they mess theirs up so hard. It tastes like they use friggin bleach instead of rice vinegar to make their sushi rice. Beyond that I guess I don’t have many complaints. Then again, I’m no sushi expert, and let’s be honest with eachother for a second: the bulk of sushi is rice, so it’s kind of important.

Okay, this dumb donkey (me) is talking about sushi when the review is about a sub. Why is that? Django unchained, god bless you for asking: The sushi guy made my sub today. He was forced to because his manager sucks and he tried to be a good employee. After I waited 5 minutes for a regular sub guy, his lazy manager forced him to try to help me. Let’s go back a further iteration because I’m super sure you’re not sick of me yet.

My dad buys Harris Teeter subs all the time; he has for many years. He buys them all over North Carolina, he is a busy bee. They’re tasty, fresh, convenient, cheap, and occasionally worthwhile. The problem, as you might imagine, is the ‘occasionally’ part. Let me digress again and say that I’m a 30-year-old guy who is about to complain about his father’s food-store sandwiches. Sheesh. I’m glad I got that off my chest.

My dad, in his travels, noticed that sometimes he would get next-to-no meat and cheese on his sub. Sometimes it would be okay, but rarely. Usually it would be a mockery of the sandwich-making industry. Being the gentleman and scholar that he is, he did not complain directly but he did inquire to corporate regarding what their standards are, exactly.

You probably know where this is heading. The ‘artist’ making your sub has no friggin clue what. the. heck. they. are. doing. or. why. they. are. doing. it. and. you. better. just. shut. up.

After emailing corporate he was informed that every full sub was supposed to incorporate 6.0 ounces of meat and 2.0 ounces of cheese.

2013-04-07_14-55-42_382

If you are lucky, the sub pictured above is what you, in fact, get. This was after me getting frustrated and asking the sushi guy for “a lot more than” 3 slices of ham. So I got 8. On a foot-long sub. No, I’m not sure what 8 thinly-sliced bits of ham weigh, but this did not account for 6 ounces. The veggies were indeed piled on, which is great. Wait, did I mention that the sandwich artist initially only places 3 slices of ham on my foot-long sub? And then I demanded “a lot more”?

Yes, he was a sushi dude and could barely speak English, but I’ve gotten so many subs from Harris Teeter, and the above is what they all generally look like. Unless you are my dad and you keep demanding they pile more on until they refuse and then you pull out your 2-year-old printout of an email conversation with corporate and force them to give you the corporate-specified 6 ounces of meat and 2 ounces of cheese.

So, keep going to Harris Teeter for your slow-service subs made by sushi chefs. Or you could go across the street to A Taste of Italy if you’re near midtown and get whatever you want for a dollar or two more:

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Boars Head or better, sliced as thin as you want, weighed consistently and at least twice as many meals-worth as Harris Teeter. The More You Know.

Or Chops if you’re downtown:

chopsIn conclusion, I beg Harris Teeter to start weighing out their sandwiches. Or, as I just imagined, flip the whole thing around and let me make my own sub. Let me weigh it and put the sticker on. Just don’t force me to deal with your uninformed employees, for the love of God. Actually, maybe just instruct them on corporate policy instead of expecting your customers to enforce it and appear as though they are jerks, when they are, in fact, not.

2013-04-07_17-08-47_618Oh, here’s an honest cross-section comparison. Yes, this was made by a sushi chef. However, this is exactly what I have come to expect from your average Harris Teeter ‘sandwich artist’. Disagree with me if you wish, but always demand your six ounces of dirt meat. YOU DEMAND IT! OR I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL END YOU.

A Request for Requests

27 Apr

My friends who know I write this blog often point out new boozes or ask me to review ones they are curious about, and I wanted to invite any readers I have to do the same. Leave a comment to request any reviews you would like to see me do, whether it be a liquor or eat spot. Can’t promise I will, but I am lazy and like it when others give me ideas for free.

Ilmza Love

10 Mar

As you know, Pete of ilmza.com is becoming a frequent contributer to this blog and rightfully so. He’s running low on Wilmington pizzas to review and why the fuck should we suffer a lack of his wisdom because of it? LiquorLunch was completely inspired by ilmza and I can say without hesitation that without it I wouldn’t be here. What a lot of people don’t know is some bloggers host their own websites (it’s not that free tumblr crap) and this costs them real out of pocket money. Pretty soon Pete’s website stuff is expiring, meaning if he wants to keep it up he has to shell out $100 out of his pocket. He must really love all that hate mail I guess. Here is a chance to contribute to a guy who has spent time, gas, and his paycheck on trekking to every pizza place in town to review it so we don’t have to waste our own. If you have ever read one of his reviews and thought, “Hey, guess I won’t try it out then,” he saved you $5. If you have ever chuckled at one of his posts, now’s the time; it would cost you less than some crappy movie ticket. People talk about buying local, spending local. Well this guy’s reviews are for us locals. I, for one, am all for a cause where 100% of donations go to the source. It would be a loss to the Wilmington blogging and foodie communities if ilmza.com ever left the internet to go to that great nether in the sky. I’m pledging $25. One quarter of what it takes to secure his site for future years. I’m asking anyone who has it to spare to donate a dollar to this cause. Ilmza is a Wilmington treasure. Don’t let it die. The project is up on Kickstarter.com which is a great site for facilitating neat projects all around the world. If Pizza Pete reaches $100, he will also create a DRM-free ebook version of his site. Added bonus: if Pizza Pete reaches $250, he will create a softcover version of ilmza.com complete with illustrations.   Also Port City Foodies wrote a sweet little write-up about it.

About Pete and Guest Reviews

9 Feb

I have always loved reading food blogs, and ilmza basically served as the inspiration for liquorlunch. Seeing someone review Wilmington food spots in a funny and semi-informative way was a refreshing break from blogs that skim over the bad parts, complain about pointless issues, or are little more than fluff write-ups exchanged for paid advertising in a publication (not mentioning names). A few weeks ago, I asked pete from ilmza to write a guest review for my blog. To my great and excited shock, he said yes! I loved what he did, and have invited him to review any non-pizza joints or boozes he would like on here. Hope you guys enjoy seeing his take on things other than pizza as much as I do.

So far this has been awesome, and if I find bloggers in the future wanting to contribute I won’t hesitate to ask them as well.

I do have some of my own reviews coming up, including a couple new liquor ones, a review of Bdobo, and of Burger King’s new onion rings.

Happy Boozemas & 2012 (yet another year the world doesn’t end)

2 Jan

Took this cool shot of a cool shot of Smirnoff Vodka and nonpareils (those hard round sprinkles for the uneducated). The colors looked pretty cool at the bottom of the glass.